I scowl at him.
"If either of us get killed just because you're a complete child, know that my soul will haunt you forever."
Jason laughs, putting the lamp to a side just to give me the most annoying grin I have seen in my life.
"Trust me. If the earth is flat, but the ocean stays intact, then I'm sure we won't fall off the edge. Sure, it'll be a bit discombobulating, but nothing too severe. "
The boat rocks gently. The ocean is oddly calm today.
"That's just a theory."
"So is our existence. "
I roll my eyes and sigh, glancing at the old, tattered shawl wrapped around our rations.
"It's kind of funny. If my mother hadn't died… I assure you I would never have come with you."
He pauses the rowing. The gentle clicking stops. I feel uneasy as I see an unexplainable look pass over his face.
"Look, I'm sorry about it. Just… Can you please stop bringing it up over and over again? It's not my fault, you know."
I lean back and fix my eyes on the faded embroidery.
"No, it's not. But she's still very much dead."
He resumes rowing, the clicking filling the awkward silence.
As the night grows deeper, I notice the sky seems a lot brighter than usual.
"Hey." I point up. " Are you sure we're still heading north?"
He grins.
"Hella."
"Can you please be a bit more serious about this? "
He hums, flashing me a dirty look.
"I am serious about it, and I'm really angry at you, and the only way I can ease the tension is by acting like an idiot."
The atmosphere changes suddenly, so tense I nearly reel.
"Angry? Why are you angry at me? "
He scoffs, turning away.
"You came here hoping you would die."
My face pales. I laugh nervously.
"Now why would you think that?"
He keeps his face forward.
"You've never given a damn about what I feel, or what I like, or what I want. In fact, being neighbors is the only thing that ties us together. You might not have hated me, but you sure as hell didn't like me. You agreed to this expedition after months of saying no, only after your mother died. Frankly, I'm surprised you're still talking to me."
"I didn't -" he cuts me off.
"Save it for someone who cares."
Even the lapping of the waves couldn't fill in the silence. It chilled me to the bone. Never had I ever heard anything that blunt or hurtful come from his mouth, and right now, stranded in a vast expanse of water, I felt small and insignificant and alone.
The lamp flickered, softly illuminating the wood of the boat. Hard lines gave way to softer shadows that faded into the warm glow of firelight.
I curled up, trying to calm my racing heart.
If the earth was flat, I sincerely hoped I would fall off the edge instead of having to see Jason's face again.
Of course, I nodded off. When I woke it was noon, the sun attempting to vaporize me and rid the earth of my burden.
Jason was back to his chipper attitude, offering me a fish sandwich. For the first time I saw the cracks in his smile, and how it never stretched as far as it should. How his eyes didn't crinkle like they used to when we were children.
I was - I am - a terrible person.
"Please…" I try to say, my mouth moving but making no noise.
"Forgive me."
Of course, the words never came out.
