Helluva Boss

Conspiracy Theorists

You ponder, "I would like, a Mocha frappé, three and a half pumps of chocolate on the bottom, make sure they use almond milk, whipped cream on top, and also have them put shredded chocolate on top of the whipped cream as well as those hard little caramel flavored things."

"Mox?" Blitzø looks at Moxxie.

"I'll have a Neapolitan cappuccino, more cappu- than ccino-, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk; the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup-they always put 'Foxy' or 'Roxy'; I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional misto. Please use soy milk, with two blond shots affogato," Moxxie points his foot at one of the agents, "And ristretto! I'd also love... three vanilla pumps at the very bottom, then add the coffee after, then add-."

One of the agents interrupts, "ENOUGH! We aren't gettin' youse coffee!"

"Wow. I got massive douche chills from both of y'all. Congrats!" Blitzø says proudly.

"If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers outta you nasty hell beasts!"

You laugh, "Really? Would you actually risk letting us die? That could mess up your whole discovery of us and you wouldn't become famous. Hell, people would believe you guys were crazy and then you'd be locked up in a padded room."

"Yeah, and when you say 'torture', do you mean physical or psychological? Physical seems counter productive; we would likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, and you would have no way of knowing what was true!" Moxxie adds.

"Or we might like it too much. And then you've got a whole new thing to deal with." Blitzø adds.

Agent One points at Blitzø, "What do you mean by that?"

"Ah, you're stupid, huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy likey dummy."

You and Moxxie burst out laughing. "Good one, sir! 'Daddy likey'!"

"You better stop laughin' at us!" Agent Two warns.

Agent One grabs Blitzø by the collar, "Yeah! You are the ones at our mercy!"

Moxxie chuckles, "It's hard to resist, I'm really sorry. I mean, considering your approach thus far, you've had us tied her for what, hours? And you haven't even had us confirm what exactly we are!"

Agent Two leans down, "What are you?"

"I'm a Virgo."

You and Blitzø burst out laughing. "Good one, Mox!" You praise.

"Ohhhhh, a smart guy, eh?!" Agent One says.

"One more quip outta you and we'll shut you up!" Agent Two says.

"Ooh, getting kinkyyyy!" Blitzø drawls.

Both of the agents jump back in horror, "WHAAAAAT? We aren't playin' into your vile demon kinks!"

"I mean, that's what it sounded like back there, you sickos!"

"I agree, if you didn't want to get into demon kinks maybe you should've said something more... professional. But then again, nothing about this has been professional so far. Guess we might as well get freaky with it!" You exclaimed.

"Please, don't give them ideas!" Moxxie replies sarcastically.

"Why not? I know the shit you're into!" Blitzø responds.

"Stooooooop! We are," Agent One leans in towards you, "NOT gettin' freaky wit youse!"

Agent Two pulls back Agent One, "Calm down, One! Don't let these monsters get to you!" They start to walk away.

"Heyyyyy, aren't we gonna get our phone call, bitch?" Blitzø asks.

"Well, that entirely depends! Who are you gonna call? Hmmmm?" Agent One amuses.

Blitzø grins, "Your fat mom, thankin' her for a fat time!"

You burst out in laughter. Agent Two replies to Blitzø, "Nice try, demon! His fat mom is dead!" Agent One starts to cry into his arm.

"She may be dead, but did you forget, we're demons! And guess what? I took your mom all the way down to bone town! And damn... She was pretty good at it," You grinned at the agent.

"My mom ain't in Hell!" Agent One yelled.

"You sure? Cause I remember her showin' me a picture of you... WHILE I PEGGED HER FAT ASS!" You yelled at the agent.

Blitzø and Moxxie laughed. "Oh, yeah, I pegged that fat bitch too!" Blitzø exclaimed.

You and Blitzø high-fived each other. Agent One sobbed, "Stop insultin' my mother! She's dead!"

Agent Two pat his shoulder, "Hey, hey. Let's just leave them here until they feel like talkin'."

The two agents leave the room, slamming the door behind them. Blitzø then immediately tries to get out of the bonds for a couple of seconds before he gives up. "Don't worry guys. If we keep being obnoxious, they'll eventually slip up and we'll get a chance to get out. Let's just keep fuckin' with them until they get so frustrated, they stop thinkin' clearly. It usually works."