My knees lay aching on the wooden floor of my bedroom as i kneeled , head in hands , the tears i had tried so hard to conceal finally spilling.
My world felt black , my surroundings empty and distant , body trembling with anger and hurt.
The longing for my wife began to consume all the rage and frustration, any nasty thought I had about her now left as a feeling of grief.
Grief for our relationship, her touch , her words and even her time. I just missed her.
As if on cue , a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind , clutching tightly onto my waist.
"Go away Narcissa , I don't need your sympathy." I muttered , blinking the tears away.
A soft , solemn voice spoke.
"You don't even recognise my touch anymore."
I didn't bother to turn and face her. Too tired to argue , I shoved her arms away from me , rejecting her touch.
"Please go Bellatrix , I'm not doing this , we're not doing this." I muttered tonelessly.
"I want to fix things Y/N." She pleaded and placed a hand on my shoulder.
I shuffled and turned to look at her , feeling a childish longing consuming me.
I hesitated before responding "Bellatrix , for someone who can practically read minds , you're doing an awful job at hearing me."
She tipped her stare down shamefully , black strands falling in front of her face.
"I know Y/N , but you were right , I suppose I went too far , let my obsession devour me." She spoke quietly.
"Im doing all this to protect you , but I went down a spiral. You are supposed to be my priority and I've neglected you." She continued.
"You're overworking yourself Bella." I took a breath. "And I'm done trying to help you."
She took my hands in hers and looked up at me through her nest of hair.
"I know, I'll do better! I promise." She begged , her eyes pleading.
"I want to believe you , truly , I do." I sighed , averting my gaze.
"I-" She stumbled
"You said you'd always be there for me , so how did this happen? Why weren't you there for me?" My eyes began to burn with desperation , tear stained cheeks once again becoming wet.
"I'm sorry.." She trailed off.
"Y/N , I want you , only you." she said whilst lightly gripping my chin , tilting my head up to face her.
"Years ago , I made a promise , I promised we would make it through everything together." She continued.
"This was just a bump in the road my love , and truly , I'm so incredibly sorry." She breathed.
I stared at her for a moment , then smiled , then chuckled. "You've always been so god damn charismatic."
She smiled back , arms wrapping around me , but this time I didn't push her away , I accepted her , revelled in her touch.
"You're not alone anymore Y/N/N , I promise."
Though the room around us still felt dark and dingy , cold even, I felt safe in her arms. I hated myself for feeling like this after everything but i couldn't help it , I'd always go back to Bellatrix in a heartbeat. The world around me was once again black and out of reach , but this time she was there with me , it was us in our own little bubble , tucked away from everything.
"How about we get ready for bed hm?" Bella asked after a long moment of comfortable silence.
I agreed with a soft nod before we stood up , her hand in mine , gripping tightly as if she'd almost lost me. She placed a small kiss on my forehead , igniting a swarm of warmth in me after so long of being deprived of her affection. Bella began her nightly routine which I was sure she hadn't done in weeks , just like clockwork , like nothing had happened.
I stood , unsure , for a moment , forgetting what this was like as I watched her change into her nightgown and then attempt to tame her wild head of hair.
She turned and noticed my lack of movement. "You okay love?" She asked as if it was nothing.
I hesitated , causing me to stumble over my words "wha- yeah , yeah , sorry"
Quickly , I started changing , my mind elsewhere as I senselessly continued getting undressed whilst Bella lay in our bed waiting.
"Those are new.." She spoke , her voice small and calloused.
I froze , immediately knowing what she was looking at. Silence filled the room , both of us too afraid to speak.I went to pull my nightgown on as fast as I could but Bella's hand , fast and concerned , reached for my thigh to prevent it from being covered.
Her fingers ran over the raised skin on my leg , her touch gently stroking every cut which tore my skin.
"not a big deal Bella." I spoke brashly , swatting her hand away from me and getting into bed.
She propped herself up , the tiredness from her eyes immediately dispersing. Now wide awake , she spoke. "It is a big deal , I still care about you Y/N , nothing has changed."
"Thats a bit debatable , isn't it Bella?" I replied , turning away from her.
Silence.
"Y/N , you're hurting yourself , after years, YEARS of being clean." She said placing a hand on my shoulder. "You should've spoke to me"
This was laughable , did she not realise what was happening , how distanced we were.
"I tried Bellatrix, I tried so many times." I replied with a tired sigh , not wanting to fight anymore.
Her strong arms closed in around my waist and her head buried into my neck , whispers of 'I'm sorry' repeated into my ear , the hurt in her voice evident. Warm tears slowly fell down my cheeks , staining them with salt as I held onto her as tightly as she held onto me. The intimacy of this scene clouded me , washing over my body , invading every part of me until my weary eyes became heavy.
The argument and the closure I felt after it had drained me and now that i was finally in my wife's arms after a gruelling amount of time , I was ready to fall asleep with her by my side.
And the darkness in the room wrapped around me like a blanket , consuming me and my thoughts.
YOU ARE READING
Finding a reason ( Everyone has a reason - Sequel )
Short StoryBOOK TWO OF 'EVERYONE HAS A REASON' The thing about happiness , is that if people are given too much of it , they simply cannot appreciate it. Y/N gave up everything, her whole life so she could be with Bellatrix. So with a fresh new beginning ,she...
