drugs

chp 2 ; maybe there's some hope

cw/tw: suicide/overdose, self harm, emetophobia

  He stepped into the bar, putting his phone away and pushing his hands into his pockets. He went up to the bar and stood between the seats, trying to get Valerian's attention. It didn't take long for it to move over to him- it was pretty quiet that day. 

 "Can I talk to you? Over by the.. door or something?" He started to fidget with his hoodie strings anxiously. 
 "Oh. Uh," It looked over for a moment. "Yeah, of course." It moved from behind the counter and followed Lunar over to the door, crossing its arms once they stopped. "What is it?" 
 "I'm really sorry about the other day." He looked around for a moment. He exhaled shakily. "But- can I please come stay with you? I'll-  I'll do whatever it takes." 
  It stared at him quietly for a moment. "Only-  Only if you get some help. That-" It continued to stare at him. "That's all I want for you, baby. I just want you to get better." 
  He stared right back and smiled. "Yes- Yes, of course, yeah, no problem. I will. I promise." He smiled at it. He hugged it tightly almost immediately.
  It idled for a moment before hugging him back, putting its hand on the back of his head. It held him tight for a moment. "I mean it, Lunar." It kissed the top of his head. "Please." He put its hands on his face. 
  "I swear." He looked up at it and grinned. 

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Some time had passed and the two of them were making their way into its house. It sighed tiredly and went upstairs to lay down for a bit. Lunar waited until it was gone to sneak into its bathroom.

  He shut the bathroom door quietly and rummaged through their medicine cabinet, grabbing whatever looked like would make him overdose if he took too many. He inhaled shakily and dumped them out in his hand, shoving them in his mouth and leaning down near the sink to drink straight from it. He forced himself to swallow it, shutting the medicine cabinet quietly and taking another sip from the tap. He turned off the water and held onto the sink as he stared at himself. He looked around for one of their razors, fumbling around. He was already lightheaded and dizzy before he decided to shove all those pills down his throat. He grabbed some razor and tore the blade off of it, slicing his finger tips open. He hissed softly before moving the blade to the other hand and using it to start slicing at his hand. He cut as much as he could before his hand started to shake to the point where it slipped out of his hand and fell right beside himself.
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  It had been a while since he took the medicine and he was already on the floor by the toilet, clutching his hair. He shook violently all over, a mixture of spit and vomit pooling out of his mouth as he laid on his side by the toilet, unable to move. He stared at the floor, his vision fading out a bit and his body getting weaker, coughing violently as he clutched at his shirt as best as he could. He started to convulse and mumble. He curled up and almost passed out right as he heard the door open. He squinted and tried to swallow, shaking even worse once he saw it was Valerian who had walked in. He grumbled something out and coughed violently. It stared at him and started to shake, standing close to the sink. It huffed heavily and swallowed deeply, not knowing exactly what to do in the moment. Its head went hazy and it couldn't breathe right. Lunar took a moment to pull himself up to the toilet, shoving his fingers down his throat to try to empty his stomach more.
  It shook its head and covered its ears, shutting its eyes tight. It moved its hands up into its hair and choked out a sob. Woah, dude. It's crying :( 
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  It took a while for him to be able to fully empty his stomach, and he had eventually laid back on the floor by the pool of vomit. He blinked and covered his eyes, the brightness of the overhead light too much for him to handle. He looked over at Valerian, it was still shaking and crying from having walked in on him like this. It was basically on the floor at this point and it couldn't breathe right. He pushed himself up against the wall at some point, scratching at his thighs softly as he winced. "Mmh." He grumbled raspily. 
   It looked at him after a moment, trying to force something out. Its breathing started to get even more rapid. "I  don't- You,," It stared at him, tears streaming down its face. "Why?? Ih-" 
   He stared back at it tiredly. "I wasn't.. planning on it. I don't know what came over me. I suddenly   tthought it would just be better if you didn't have to deal with me anymore."
   It tugged at the bottom of its shirt desperately. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, baby." It moved over to him and pulled him up close to it. It gripped onto him, its chest aching and its breathing starting to burn a bit. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." It didn't care that it was getting his sweat, spit, and vomit on itself at that point- it just needed to hold onto him for a moment. Lunar ended up hugging it back and kissing its chest. He tiredly leaned into it and sighed shakily. He moved up even closer to it and pushed his face into its shoulder. "Mmmhh,,  I'm sorry." He choked out and coughed. He sniffled and held onto it tightly. It squeezed him and apologized profusely under its breath, rubbing his back. 



  Lunar sighed heavily and shakily into its shoulder as he tried to calm down.   Maybe I should get some help. 
  He slowly fell asleep in its arms.


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When it had calmed down a bit more, it laid Lunar on the floor and started to clean him up a bit, along with cleaning up the bathroom. It grabbed the blade he used and tossed it into the trash, not that interested in trying to find something better to do with it. It stood up and took off its overshirt when it finished, going to grab one of its hoodies and some pajama pants he had left there one day. It took off his clothes carefully, sliding those on him and picking him up. It brought him to its bedroom, laying up close to him and pulling him close. It sighed softly and tiredly as it pressed its lips against his forehead.

Maybe it'll try to find him some help tomorrow. For now it just wanted to hold him close, to keep away from any harm, away from everything that he's been doing to hurt himself, away from his shitty past. Away from everything that made him like this.

It never wants to let go of him. It doesn't want to lose him like it lost Lichen. 

It just wants him to be safe.




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THAT WA SF UCKIGN WILD HEL{P I LOEV VALERIAN SO MUCH MWA MWA I LOVE YOU VALERIAN SMOOOOCH KISS
thank u for reading sorry for it ebgins o long lolll mwa mwa love u


(1258 words)