It's okay until it isn't

Goodbye

Newt knelt down and scooped up a piece of paper and a leaf.

He carefully dropped them into my shaking hand.

He looked up at me.

"T-To remember me by."

I was losing control.

I just had to focus on taking in breath after breath.

"Newt, I don't think I could forget you if I tried."

That's probably what I would do after this.

Try to forget him.

I knew I wouldn't be able to.

I put his gifts in my pocket.

"B-But you said you were okay. . ."

Newt just looked at me with soft eyes

"I guess I lied."

"Y-You said always."

Newt looked like he wanted to just disappear.

Be removed from existence.

I wasn't yelling.

My voice was choked and raw.

"I-I'm sorry. . ."

"Y-You said w-we would have a l-long h-happily ever after!"

Newt's eyes were red and bloodshot.

"I-I thought we would. . ."

I just felt empty and defeated.

"W-What about the t-tree? Y-you said f-forever. Did you lie about that too?"

Newt was taking in deep breaths.

"I-"

Newt must've seen my look of utter despair, because he wrapped his arms around me, and whispered

"I guess forevers o-over. . ."

I managed to force out a sad laugh.

"I-I don't th-think that's how f-forever works. . ."

I choked back a sob.

I wanted to go.

Just go anywhere.

We stood there, both with tears in our eyes, for a minute.

Then as if a switch had been flipped, we both wrapped the other in a fierce hug.

I hugged Newt like it was the last time I ever hugged him.

That's because it was.

I took in his warmth like it was the last time I'd be near him.

That's because it was.

Then we were kissing, and I was kissing him like it was the last time I'd ever kiss him.

That's because it was.

I wasn't sobbing anymore.

My body didn't have the strength.

Tears were just silently trickling down my face, only to fall onto the cold ground.

Newt was crying just as much as I was.

Except in his eyes. . .

There was a bittersweet hope.

In my eyes. . .

There was nothing but heartbreak.

"Min, promise me something."

Those words echoed through my mind, and I remembered the day the sun had stopped.

He had begged me not to go.

I had to.

For him.

"W-What?"

Newt looked up at me.

"P-Promise me you'll b-be okay."

I smiled sadly down at him.

"Baby, you know I can't promise th-that. . ."

Newt scrubbed at his eyes.

"I k-know."

I just looked at Newt, taking in as much of him as I could.

"Well, I guess this is it."

I nodded. My breaths were shallow and short. I wanted this day to have never existed. I wanted the maze to have never existed.

I wanted to go back.

It had all been okay. . .until it wasn't.

Newt wiped at his eyes.

"I w-would tell you that it'll be okay. . ."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from bursting. Newt went on.

"But. . .that wouldn't be true."

My vision was blurred with tears. He kept going

". . .So instead I'm going to t-tell you the o-one thing I k-know that's one hundred percent true. . ."

I held my breath, not wanting to focus on anything except Newt.

I realized with a pang that this would be one of the last times I'd hear his voice.

"Minho,"

Newt's eyes were filled with tears again.

"I love you. So, so, uncountably much."

I let out a slow, unsteady breath, the tears flowing at full force. My whole face was wet now.

"I-I-I-I"

My eyes were squeezed shut.

I didn't know if I could say it.

My last words to Newt.

I felt Newt's hand on the side of my face, and I opened my eyes.

"I love you Newt. Always, and forever. Nothing can change that."

Newt just nodded. He took a step back, closing his eyes.

"G-Goodbye love. Goodbye Min. Goodbye Minho."

Each goodbye felt like a slam to my heart. My hands were slick with tears as I lifted the gun.

I closed my eyes.

"G-G-Goodbye Newt."

I pulled the trigger.