It's okay until it isn't

Hope

"H-Hi, New-"

Before Thomas could even finish his thought Newt had jumped up

"Don't you come in here! You, you coward! Why would I want to see you?"

Newt lunged for Thomas and I grabbed him and pushed him back onto the cot, with him still screaming at Thomas. I held him down, petrified that he was having a sort of relapse from the flare. Newt had stopped screaming but was still flailing. I was still holding him down trying to get him to stop flailing

"Newt, Newt calm down, he just wanted to see you. . ."

Thomas backed up

"I-It's okay, I'll just leave."

Newt looked shocked, and almost scared, and when he spoke his voice was shaky

"N-No, Tommy, come back."

I backed up from Newt, seeing he was okay. Thomas stopped, but only for a moment

"No, really, it's fine."

Newt sat up.

"No, I want to tell you something, apologize for something."

Thomas nodded and leaned warily on one of the walls. I sat down next to Newt, knowing this could be hard for him.

"You- I- I shouldn't have given you the note, shouldn't have made you try to do it, shouldn't have yelled at you. . . I j-just- I remembered that moment from before. I felt like I was back at the crash site just now. . ."

Wait, what? I put my hand on Newt's and looked at him

"What note?"

Newt looked broken.

"I-I gave Tommy a note. I-I asked him to k-kill me. I-I didn't want to hurt you, b-but I still did. . ."

Oh, Newt.

"W-Why didn't you tell me? After last time you said you would. . ."

Newt had tears in his eyes

"I-I know, but, I j-just couldn't tell you."

Thomas was standing straight up now, looking worried

"Last time?"

I started to make an excuse

"I meant this was the last time I- I mea-"

Newt cut me off

"No, Min, he can know."

I nodded, and squeezed Newt's hand. He took a deep breath before he started talking

"Well, b-before you came, I, um. . ."

Newt looked at me, and I nodded. Newt squeezed his eyes shut and pressed on

"I-I jumped. I climbed the bloody maze walls and j-jumped."

Thomas looked stunned. Newt was crying now, and I pulled him into a hug. Memories filled my head of Newt passed out. Of Newt's asking if what he wanted was real

"Am I dead?"

Back then I thought he was scared.

Now I know better.

He wanted to die.

I didn't know what I felt.

It was like I was back on that day, back in the maze.

Back next to Newt's lifeless body.

I remember pleading and calling to him, ready to give up.

Then he stirred, and he told me what he had done.