When people hear the name "Andrew Biersack", they instantly think of the rockstar and lead singer of Black Veil Brides. Globally loved and famous, right? To Skylar Kilgour, he was so much more than that. A childhood best friend and her first love. A...
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!!!**TW: THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERING MATERIAL OF SUICIDE**!!!
I wonder,
How can one person be so replaceable?
Not just replaceable to him, but replaceable to everyone in my life.
All my life, I have been pushed to the side. A bystander. A second choice. A second priority.
My mom. I was the youngest, the least experienced. Everything I said was looked down upon. She had such high expectations for me, I had to be just as good as Chance at everything. She was so proud of Chance, he had everything he ever wanted. Straight A's, a decent friend group, scholarships. Frankly, she never shut up about Chance and all his accomplishments. I could never compare.
Chance. I was just an annoying little sister to him. I had no friends of my own, so he felt a sense of obligation to carry me along with him. After all, it's more embarrassing for him to be associated with a loser who sits alone at lunch and gets bullied. He wanted so badly to be loved and adored by everyone he was around. He was so easy to get along with by everyone. He's funny, relaxed, laid back, easy to talk to. How did he end up with such a disappointment of a little sister? He never really liked me, he only pitied me.
My dad. Sure, he battled his demons. But maybe if I was a little better of a daughter, just a little better, he would have stayed. He would have got clean and turned his life around, just for us kids. But I was always like this, I suppose. He had nothing more to live for. I was never enough.
Andrew.
Where can I even begin?
Maybe he felt the same way Chance felt. Maybe he felt a sense of obligation to be my friend. Just as I couldn't be enough for anyone else in my life, how could I be enough for Andy? How stupid of me to believe for a split second that what we had was real? How fucking pathetic of me. I am so easy to throw to the side and forget about.
How fair is that? He can throw me away, forget about me. But I'm still stuck in this washed up town, remembering everything. Absolutely everything. I can't do this. I cannot. I will not.
This is pain. This is torture. You call this a life? He was everything I had. The one thing that came into my life and brought me genuine happiness. I know what I have to do - it's my only option. What else is there for me? Absolutely nothing.
I am sitting on my bed in my dimly lit room. Everyone in the house is asleep, it is dead silent. The only thing I can hear are the crickets outside, their chirping escaping through my open window. It's silent, almost peaceful. But it's only peaceful due to the anticipation of what's to come. My eyes trail over to my bedside table, glancing across the glass of vodka and the bottle of aspirin sitting beside me. They're calling my name in a whisper, echoing in my ears.
Do it.
Do it, Skylar.
If you just get it over with, everything will be at peace. No more pain. No more suffering. No more crying. You will be at peace.
Do it. Now.
Without even thinking, I quickly snatched the bottle of aspirin. I eagerly shake the bottle and watch dozens of tiny tablets fill the palm of my hand. In the same motion, I shove each pill into my mouth at once. I then grab the glass of vodka, unscrewing the lid aggressively and guzzling down the bitter, stinging liquid. As I washed the pills down my throat with the liquor, I felt my insides burn and sting. I cringe, but decide that if I think too much into it, I'll only make this harder.
After all, what more can I do? It's done. The deal has been made. This is the end.
I shouldn't be scared. I should embrace it. What's about to come is meant to happen. I wasn't meant for this world, it's only caused me a great deal of grief. I am ready to go. I am ready to be with my dad. This is where he and I belong.
When I start to feel dizzy, I slowly lower my back onto my bed, laying down. I close my eyes, with my hands to my chest and let the darkness slowly overcome me.
