Awake and alive

Part 6

//vote//

Y/n pov

Yeah she blocked me
summer started
I went to the same club as evara

Camila become my best friend and I also got back with belina and aurora

Camila held the place that nova left
I also called with Camila 24/7 we were playing or something like that

They made a new gc
Named suicidal ppl
And we had alot of fun we always played together
I would talk about how someday i'll leave everything behind and kill myself

I felt empty most of the time
I loved the way they bullied each other Ofc they also bullied me

I sometimes had took it srsly
I was drained

So when I felt empty I would've just cut my thighs or slit my wrist hoping tmr i won't wake up

I would've listened to Pierce the veil I related to most of their songs 

I went to practice I saw better person than me I would've cut much more

I always called with belina and it was so fun
i felt like shit most of the time

I always wanted to kill my self
I wanted to stop self harm but I couldn't I did everything I could but I just couldn't

Then I realized it's not like I can't stop it it's just I don't want to stop it

Camila would've talked about how she will delete all her accounts and leave all of us behind even tho she promised me she will never leave me I trusted her that she won't leave me

I loved belina and Camila more than anything same goes to zoe and aurora
I loved all of them

and ofc my dumb ass guy bsf too I
I met him at school with my elementary friends

I figured he also has Ed and he hated nova sm and he always said that he loved me I also I love him but I just

I wanted to tell him that I also love him but I couldn't explain my emotions

but dyako always held a special place in my heart and he always will he wasn't like people I met

He hated belina and belina hated him
Once dyako blocked me because he thought that I was closer to belina

and I told her all his secrets
But I never did but that means he also left me

But it wasn't his fault
After all
All the problems are me not dyako

time comes and time goes
Summer become really fucked up

Suicidal ppl gc also got fucked up because Camila deleted all her social medias and she didn't talk to us anymore I was wondering how could she left me after all the things happened

10 days before I Promised her I won't do sh again
The day she left was the day I broke my promise

I was shaking i couldn't even cry I was traumatized I mean after nova after she knew what nova done to me she left? Without even a word? But why?
I would've went to bathroom and do self harm

I reached that point self harm wasn't really helping me I was too drained I always felt numb sad empty I always had that 'funny' or that 'clown personality' on I didn't let anyone know that in reality my life is
fucked up

Day by day scars would've disappeared and I would've made more scars

I would've cried my ass out but I was to drained
I would've screamed my ass out but I couldn't
I was just too empty to do anything

....................

New part coming on 7th July