Lost Boy

No One to Dissapoint

One year ago today my life ended. I've replayed that night over and over almost every day since. Agonizing over what I could have done different. What I should have done differently. No matter how much I wished I'd done something differently I couldn't change the past. That realization killed off a piece of me everyday. Soon there would be nothing left of me. I was okay with that. I'd accepted my fate long ago.

While everyone was commemorating this anniversary with a candlelight vigil at the church, I was spending it high as a kite at the local crack house. This wasn't the first time I was here. Nor would it be the last time. This was my new reality. Trying to drown out the pain. Anyway I could.

I was in my usual spot. Sitting on the stained red couch in the corner. I'd just snorted another line of Oxy and was sinking into the high. There was a girl on my lap, kissing my neck. Her hand in my pants. Sober me would have been embarrassed to do this in public. High me didn't care about anything other than feeling high.

I grab the girl's face and pulls her mouth back to mine. The kiss is wet and sloppy. She ends up biting my lip and I pull her hair, drawing a moan out of her. We're both so caught up that we don't notice the music stopping. When she starts to pull away I grab her ass which is enough to keep her on my lap. It's not until a bright light shines on us that we break apart.

"Beak it up lovebirds."

I groan as the girl stand up. The sudden loss of her body and hand leave me cold.

"Ashton. Why am I not surprised."

I squint up at the light and can just barely make out officer Hardin. A lazy grin spreads across my face. "Couldn't you have let me finish. I was so close."

"Zip it up and stand up," he orders.

His hard tone and the fact that he ruined my night made it hard for me to want to obey. "Make me."

Officer Hardin grabs the back of my shirt and hauls me to my feet. There's nothing gentle in the way he grips my arm and shoves me.

"You are a waist of space. While Andi's in a comma you're here getting high and STDs."

I trip going down the front steps and his grip on my arm is the only thing keeping me from eating it. Though by the look on his face I'm sure he wished he hadn't been holding me.

"You interrupted before I could get an STD."

Officer Harding pulls open the back door to his squad car and shoves me inside. "It should be you on life support," he hissed as he leans over to buckle me in. Not sure why he bothers.

"I wish it was me," I tell him before he closes the door. I wish every day I had died in that car accident.

It's the same routine once we get to the station. I'm booked. Photographed. Then thrown into a cell where I pass out.

If I was anyone else and this wasn't such a small town I probably would be in jail or rehab by now. But ever since the accident and the sheriffs daughter was put in a wheel chair, they didn't much care what happened to me. They did enough to uphold the law without helping me. I didn't care. I didn't want their help. Or anyone's help. I just wanted to get high and forget.

I wake with a pounding in my head and my stomach rolling. I barely manage to lean over the bed before vomiting on the floor. When I'm done I roll onto my back and groan up at the ceiling. Walking up and coming down was the worst part. It was when I remembered everything I was trying to forget. The ever present ache in my chest starts to grow again. Ready to consume me again.

"Ashton Williams?" An unfamiliar voice calls out and had me turning my head to the cell door.

An officer I didn't recognize stood on the other side of the bars. He must be new. I knew every other officer in that small station. This town was painfully small.