He Cares...? (Stolitz Fan Fiction)

Part two of He cares...?(Blitz's POV)

Once I left Stolas's hospital room, I quickly got to my car and went to work. The whole car ride I couldn't get last night off of my mind. It's kinda weird though because last night was the best night ever, even though we didn't fuck...

When I got there, everyone was wondering where I had been. Especially Loona... I never meant to stay the night so she was worried sick that something had happened to me. I fucked that up for sure. She looked so upset when she saw me walk in. She seemed to be a little less stressed but still pissed with me.

Millie and Moxxie were so confused why I was late. I always tell them when I'm gonna be late, but I didn't this time. Moxxie kept asking me a bunch of fuckin' questions asking what I was doing, where I was, who was I with, but I was too overwhelmed with the thought of last night to even answer them. I brushed it off saying that it was nothing, and got straight to work. They all seemed to know that something was up. Especially Loona. She was the only one that knew I was going to see Stolas.

Work started normally today, getting calls from clients, killing the target, coming home, and repeating that over and over again, but it eventually got very busy. We had to tell people to call in a few days and ask again because it was that busy. As much as I love my job, it was too overwhelming for me.

Work was finally over. I was cleaning up all the messes that were made today and I was left alone with my thoughts. I thought about how I felt before seeing Stolas. I kept blaming myself for what happened between us. I missed fucking him. I may have acted like fucking Stolas was just for work and not serious, but it was to me. I loved it. I could never admit that though. I could also never admit that I love him. I truly do. He drives me crazy sometimes, but I feel so empty when he's not around. I've been hurt so badly in the past that I'm too scared to get close to him. I... I don't want to hurt him. But I did get close with him last night and... it was the best shit ever. I want him to hold me in his arms all night, petting my head, and making me feel safe. That's the first time I felt at peace in a while. His feathers are so soft, and make me feel so warm inside when he just pats me with them. I... I want more. I want to be with him!... But... What if he's just fucking with me... I'm too fuckin' scared to get close with him... I don't want the only good thing to me to end like the rest of my stupid ass relationships did. But... Stolas is different than they were.

UGHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO??? GOD DAMNIT!

I took a deep breath and reached for my phone. I needed to distract myself with something, but there was a message from a few hours before from Stolas. He thanked me for coming last night, and for the lovely note I left him. I replied back saying your welcome and tossed my phone away from me. I was blushing. Any thought of last night makes me fucking crazy. I... I know that I love Stolas and I wanna tell him but I can't... I'm way too scared to get close to him.

As I was lost in my thoughts, Loona came into the room. She looked fuckin' pissed. She came over to me and asked where the fuck I was last night. I told her that I was with Stolas, like I told her. Then she screamed at me, starting to cry a little, asking why I didn't come home last night. I told her that it wasn't my intention to stay with Stolas but one thing led to another. She was so pissed. She said that she was so worried that something really bad had happened to me. I knew that Loona secretly cared about me. I didn't want to go into detail about last night, but I told her that I fell asleep there with him. She then asked why the fuck I did that if I hate him so much. I couldn't say that I loved him to her. I just fuckin' couldn't. I had to lie to her saying that he wanted me to stay and that my phone had died before I could text her. I said that I was sorry but she still was upset. Fuck. How am I going to make this better? I have no fuckin' idea of what to do.

We left the argument on a sour note and went home. Loona had a hound party she was going to tonight so I got to be at home alone. I kept wanting to text Stolas and tell him that I love and miss him but I couldn't bring the courage to do it. I mean, I can't fuckin' admit to him that I love him? What would he say? Would he make fun of me? I knew deep down that he didn't think any of those things but I used them as an excuse to not text him. I wish I'd just be able to express my fuckin' feelings sometimes. I'm getting sick of keeping everything locked away and pushing away all the important people in my life during the process. I hate that Goddamn part of myself.

I know that I love Stolas. I know that I do. I don't want to admit it though. But something in me needs to see him and be near him too. I want to fucking go back and relive that night. Fuck it... I need to see him again. I HAVE to go visit him tomorrow. I HAVE to. 

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