The Lass who Loved a Pirate

Chapter 17 Coming Back to One Another

I sat in that abandoned church every day for a month. My mind racing, trying to understand why I lost my son. Why did God take my son from me so soon. I watched as Lena sailed on her own ship a week after the funeral. Her crew had grown restless, and she needed to sail to clear her own mind. To grieve for her grandchild in her own way. I knew that she would return soon, to make sure that both her son and I were alright. While I turned to solitude, Bash turned to rum. I knew that he was angry with me, I was angry with myself. Angry that I had not been more careful, that I did not see that rag on the floor. And so we began to drift apart, as we tried to overcome our grief. I knew that our marriage, that our love could not survive this. That the death of our son meant the death of our marriage.

I woke up to an empty bed once again, and felt nothing but despair and grief. I knew full well that Bash did not come to my bed last night. He could not bring himself to return to our room after our son's death. So he took to sleeping on his ship. Putting more space between him and I. I got dressed and wrapped a shawl around my shoulders. I went downstairs expecting to find the tavern empty. As it was still early morning, the sun barely creeping over the horizon. I could smell the rain in the air. I avoided both Athena and Mae, I could not bring myself to be near them, both of them tried to help me. But I could not stand the pity in their eyes. It was then I saw Bash, he was asleep on one of the many tables. Empty rum bottles strewn around him. Feeling my heart constrict even more, I walked over to him.

"Bash, love," I whispered. Gently shaking his shoulder. He slowly woke up, meeting me with bloodshot eyes. His gaze toward me was cold and distant. We had barely spoken to one another since the funeral. Not knowing what to say to one another. Often it was short terse sentences. Often times it was him telling me to leave him be. That he did not wish to sleep in our bed. The hurt in his voice, the pain in his eyes. It was all becoming routine to me.

"Why don't you go upstairs and rest," I whispered gently. I tried to touch his shoulder. But he shrunk away from my touch. He could not bear for me to touch him, and this made my heart break a little more. He stood up and fixed his red jacket.

"I am not going back there, not after Sebastian. I am leaving today," he said. Grabbing his sword and sheathing it. I felt as if he had slapped me in the face. He was leaving? It had only been a month since our son's death, and he was leaving. Leaving me alone here on St. Bona's. We may have been distant, but at least I knew that he was here with me.

"What, why are you leaving? We cannot leave one another like this. Not after our son's death," I started. Trying to hold back my tears.

"My crew is becoming restless, rumors have been going around about my ability to captain my ship. And I cannot bear to be here," he said. Tears began to fall down my face.

"Please do not leave, not after all that we have been through," I cried. I tried reaching out to him, but he pulled back.

"You left me Freya, you have spent every day up at the forsaken church. Have you even thought about what Sebastian's death did to me," he demanded.His tone harsh and cold. Which only made me cry more.

"I do not know how to cope. To survive this, but I know I cannot survive this if you leave. If you walk away from me," I sobbed.

"And you think I do, HE WAS MY SON TOO," he screamed. His words make me flinch. He had never once raised his voice to me.

"You should have stayed in that bed, let Athena and my mother handle Mae," he snapped after a few moments. More tears came to my eyes.

"You don't think I know that. I blame myself everyday for what happened. I wish everyday that Sebastian had lived instead of died," I sobbed. Trying to reach for him again, but he pulled away even further. I hugged myself, trying to gather my thoughts and emotions. But his words just swimmed in my mind.