I can't do this anymore

Chapter 20 - see you on the other side

Carmeñ's pov:

It was 4:15pm by the time we got there and Me and Lex were sat in the car.
/'I'm scared Lex'/ I whispered. I can't believe this day had come. I didn't want to accept it.
/'I know my love but I'm right here and we will do it together okay?'/ she said holding my hand.
/'are you going to text him?'/ She asked me and I nodded and pulled out my phone.

0863920762893

Missed call
Missed call
Missed call

/I just thought you should know that your youngest child has cancer and is being moved to this hospital in London. If you had any care for him you would come./

/Listen you are breaking his heart by not being here you can't hurt me anymore but you can hurt him and you are choosing to by not being here. Next week is his last week so if you have a fuck you would come for him./

Today

/Today is his last day just so you know. I will never call or text you again and please never contact me. Fuck you/

I looked up and saw Lex looking at me with tears in her eyes.
/'what?'/ I asked
/'I just hope that you realise that there are so many people here for you'/ she said holding my hand.
/'thank you Lex'/ I said softly
/'I will not let you go back to that place okay I am always here for you'/ she said stoking my hand with her thumb.
/'I know Lexy'/

We walked out of the lift and stood in front of the door. Lex grabbed my hand and we both took a deep breath. I need to be strong. He needed to know that it was okay to go. I had been holding on for to long and putting him in more pain. Lex pushed open the door and we walked into the room.

I was lying on the bed with the thin boy wrapped around me. Lex sat in the chair next to us while we watched a film. The credits started rolling and Lex turned off the TV. The boy nestled closer to me in his sleep. I gently scratched his arm with the tips of my fingers. I had a habit of biting my nails so I had no nails. He woke up to the sound of the door opening and the nurse coming in.
'I'm so sorry girls but he is worsening by the second. I'm going to have to give you 10 minutes okay?' She said and I felt tears prick at my eyes.

/'okay I wrote letters for both of you but I also have a speech here. Don't open the letters until you are ready'/ he said. He turned to look at Lex.
/'Alexia Putellas you are one of the most amazing people in the whole entire world. You and your family have done so so much for me and my sister and I wanted to say thank you. We would not have been together without your support and help. You have also been the mother that my sister needs. You took her under your wing and you really did help her. You have done so much for her on and off the pitch and you are both mine and her idol. I don't think you will ever understand how much you mean to her and that's okay. Promise me you will continue to look after her and will convince her to move back to Barça. She likes it here but loves it over there. Make her come home. Maybe not this season but definitely next. I want you to win the Ballon D'or again for me and I want a champions league trophy. Again maybe not this season but definitely next. I want the euros as well. I know management isn't great but I believe in all my Spanish girls. I will miss you so so so much Ale and I hope you will always remember me in happiness not in sadness. Remember me and smile don't cry. I have seen to many tears in my short life. I want a nice tattoo as well but make sure you get Mapi to do it. She will be the best at it. Thank you so much Ale and I love you'/ he said. Lex was in tears while he was pulled into her for a hug. He handed her a letter and kissed her head. He turned to me.
/' Carmeñ Le Tissiè I am so proud to be your brother. You deserve the whole entire world twice and I would give everything to give it to you. You are my favourite person on the planet. I will always be supporting you from above and I will always be your biggest fan. I wish I could take away all your pain and suffering but I can't. I hope you learn to heal from it Car. You don't deserve any of the bad stuff you had growing up and I wish it had been me instead. Remember you are not alone. Don't let yourself go back into that place. Be strong. You have an amazing bunch of people around you okay. Don't put your life on hold for me. I don't want that. Life it to the fullest. Shit happens okay and you just have to get over it. Don't have a repeat of last time. I do t want to see any more scars other that tattoos on those arms of yours got it? I want you to go back to Barça. Maybe not this season but after the euros I want you there back in that shirt. Back at home land where you belong. I want the WSL trophy and the FA cup this year. Hold it high in the air so I can touch it. I also want the Euros trophy. One day you will be the best player in the world. I truly do believe that. A Ballon D'or in the future has your name on it. Show him what you can do. Prove him wrong. All the shit he said go against it. I will be watching you with ma and Mario. I know they are just as proud of you as I am. You are my whole world and I will miss you infinity. I will never stop loving you and I will never disappear. Tell people about me. I don't want to be forgotten. I will be with you where ever you go. Good luck Cars. I want some nice tattoos yeah. Don't worry about me. I can't deal with this pain anymore and I feel better knowing you have so many people around you. I have one final request. I want you to reinforce that restating order against him. I love you so so so so much and I'll see you on the other side.'/ he said and I pulled him into my lap. Tears fell silently from my eyes and Lex came over to hug us as well.
/'it's okay'/ /'merry Christmas'/ I whispered to him and I kissed his head.

We sat there for a second before the nurse came in. She looked at us sadly.
'Girls I'm so sorry but the time has come can you please wait outside' she said. I could see her eyes watering as I pulled my brother in for a tight hug and he gave me a letter as well. One last time.
/'you are my hero and I love you superstar'/ I said as Lex held my arm while pulling me out of the room. Violent tears silently streamed down my face.

We stood outside of that room for what felt like days. Part of my was hoping that they would come out and say that he was all cured. That he was okay and I could take him home. I refused to believe he was gone. He was alive only 5 minutes ago. How much can change in 5 minutes. Lex was sitting in the corner sobbing into her hand while I paced the corridor. The nurse came out of the room with red eyes.
'You can come and see if you want' she said sniffling. I ran into  the room to something I had not wanted to see. My baby brother lay there stiff and motionless. His eyes were closed but there was no rise or fall off his chest. I stood there in horror. Then i realised. He was not coming back. He really had gone. I sunk to the floor next to him loud sobs escaping me. I broke down on the floor crying screaming and shouting. My last bit of family was gone. My baby brother. The one who had always promised to be there.

Me and Lex were curled up on the floor in the corner of the corridor. We were given list of sympathetic looks and stares but I didn't care. I couldn't move. The tears stopped running and I sat still. I felt as if my mind had disappeared from my body.

Lex and me finally got up off the floor. I was still in shock and hadn't really moved except for getting up. My face wore a plane expression and I showed no emotions as we got into my car and Lex drove us back.

We were curled up in my bed when I looked at my phone. The time showed 10pm but I was looking at the Lock Screen. It was a photo of Marc holding the Arnold Clark Cup the day we won. I smiled at it then remembered the day and I broke down into Lex's arms again. She started crying with me and we just held each other while we cried.

@carmeñletissiè

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@carmeñletissiè-Vuela alto mi superestrella nunca serás olvidada. (Fly high my superstar you will never be forgotten)

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Okay imagine all the Spain girls did little posts for him as well. Also I know you would think she wouldn't have put it on insta but she said to tell people about him. Anyway thank you for reading I hope you liked this one xx