Elsie was broken out of her daydream by a knock at the door. She didn't get a chance to reply before her brother Max walked in, a half smile on his face.
"Hey, El. You doing okay?" He sat on the edge of her bed as she sat up.
She sighed. "Did they tell ye?"
He nodded his head. "Brook is in bits. If you heard something along the lines of a crow screeching, that was her. How are you doing with it?"
Elsie shrugged. "I cried at first, but now it's like I don't feel anything. Like I'm too sad to be sad."
Max smiled at his sister sadly, and moved up to put an arm around her. "That's numbness, El. I'm feeling it too. We've always been the same, we don't feel as much as Brook does. Or we don't allow ourselves too, I'm not sure which. It doesn't mean we're any less sad, any less terrified for her. I just wish I could stay here so you don't have to deal with this shit all by yourself."
"I'll be okay, Max. You have your own life. You have Jen and your little journalism stint to focus on. Brook has college. I'll be fine, we have each others backs here."
"I dunno, El. I mean, I'm lucky enough to have a job I can do from home. And Jen loves you and our parents. It mightn't be so bad if I came back for a while."
Elsie snorted. "What, because you're da man? Us little ladies won't be able to cope without one around?"
Max scoffed. "No, of course not. Brooklyn would stay too if she didn't have to go and pursue her dreams. I already have my dream, a great girlfriend, great job, the best family. And I don't want to be off in Belfast working and trying to act normal while I know my mother is dying and the only people in this house are my working mother and little sister who also has school and other teenage shit to worry about. I want to be here, El, because I don't want to get a call or text from you or Ma saying that Mam is gone and barely make the funeral. I'll worry more if I'm up the north than I will if I'm down here and with you guys. Like, will you be okay with that? I know they'll be overjoyed to have me back and Jen loves it here, but would you be okay with it? That's why I came up here, because if you don't want us around, that's fine."
Elsie sighed, wiping some stray tears away. She nodded her head. "I do want you around. I only cause them grief, so it'll be good for you to be here to help lighten things up."
Max frowned. "What do you mean, cause them grief? Because you're a teenager? Whatcha do, steal a Toffee Crisp? Leave the door closed when Nick was over?"
"I'm asexual."
A silence fell on the two siblings, both of them shocked at the two words. Max blinked as Elsie stared ahead.
"Ok, wow, uhm, okay. Uh, what does that mean, exactly? Sorry."
"I don't like anyone. Boys, girls, non binary people, any of them. I tried to like two people who I would've been perfect with, Bella and Nick. Like, they're cute, I get along so well with them both. But Bella kissed me and I felt nothing. I kissed Nick and I felt nothing. I don't feel the same way as other kids do. I've never even had a celebrity crush."
Max smiled. "Now, how is that causing our lesbian activist mothers grief? That would be like telling them you have 10 fingers and 10 toes."
Elsie looked up at her brother. "They don't know. I've been acting out and they don't know why. Probably think it's because I'm struggling with feelings for Bella, but I think I'm just struggling with the fact that something's wrong with me. I mean, how do I just not feel anything like that? It's weird."
"Hey, hey, hey, El. You're weird, but not because you're asexual. You're weird because you're nearly 15 and still put the milk before the cereal."
Else rolled her eyes and chuckled. "It's not that crazy. But thanks, bro. You're actually the only other one besides Bella and Nick who knows. They kind of had to, like. One of them liked me and the other one was being used as an experimental hamster."
