The Recital of Terrance Reed

Chapter Three

"Yeah, he called me cool."

She went silenced. I knew what she was thinking. Her telling me she was upset or didn't know what to say. I felt she would feel this way once I started having friends again. It began when she was anxious about being alone when Father got the big promotion, which made him work more.

When Father started working at night when I was ten, she would make me sleep with her. I didn't mind, but it became frequent, so my bed was weird. I couldn't say no to her because if I refused anytime, she would start crying. So, I took a deep breath and listened to her without any questions.

Or when Millie was coming over to play. I would be too busy with Millie. Mother would ruin the fun by trying to kick Millie out of the house; of course, she lived too far. Mother would stop us from playing and make us watch tv with her until her parents came. It became a frequent thing that Millie suggested I started coming over to her house, which I did unless Mother joined in. As she stated, "So she can have more friends." I never got annoyed, but it did sure get Millie annoyed. I told myself to suck it up and go along with it.

And another time when I was in grade eight. When there was a dance that I wanted to go to, to try to break out of my shell, Mother was indifferent about dance since she was scared of being alone with Lina, as she was still a baby. I told her to ask for help, but she convinced me not to go. It was because she would start crying and telling me that I had no friends and that it would be awkward for me to go alone. She was right, I never had friends back then, and Millie was gone by then. I had to turn the dance down and miss out. I didn't mind, however.

I stared at the ground, thinking of all the times she told me to stay with her. I knew she had anxiety, but sometimes I wished I dared to say no to her. But she was my mother, and I had no excuse to say no to her. Mother interrupted my gaze by grabbing my face with soft hands. She looked at me and smiled.

"Little Mango? Are you okay?"

I smiled back. "Yes, I am okay. Just tired."

"See, school isn't good for a Wallflower like you. I think it's best if you stay home with me," she added softly, patting my face.

I weakly smiled at her, and when she looked the other way. My smile fell to a deep frown as if sandbags held down my mouth. However, knowing I had to keep it cool for my mother. I took a massive gulp of all my feelings and put them deep in my chest. She looked at me and slightly tipped her head toward the kitchen, and I walked her toward the kitchen.

Before I could sit down, Mother Lina burst through the door and ran to the kitchen. "Terry, your friend is here!"

My mother shot me a piercing glare and released my hand. "Why didn't you inform me earlier about your plans to bring your friend along today?" I hesitated momentarily, seeking a suitable explanation that would calm her down.

However, my mind went blank, leaving only an eerie silence. "We are simply studying together again," I finally muttered.

"But I need you, Terrance." She scoffed, waving her hands in the air.

"Listen, it will be only an hour or two, and I will return," I reasoned.

"No, it's fine. Don't worry, leave me alone," she said in a passive-aggressive tone. Then she waddled to the kitchen table. She was aggressively huffing and puffing and muttering words under her breath.

I could feel welting deep in my chest like all those feelings I had pushed down wanted to jump out. But I tried my best to shove them down and forget them. I wanted to tell her the opposite of what she wanted, but I was scared she wouldn't talk to me if I did. She had before because I wanted to go with Father to the grocery store rather than stay with her. Which made me upset, but I didn't say anything.