I find myself avoiding, walking on glass by the emotions of others around me. The fear of abandonment and loosing the ones I have left suffocates me. The ones left are not many, so I find myself dismissing my happiness for the sake of the others that havent left me yet. It seems as if every relationship with another human being has ended the same. I have given these people my trust, my love, my attention, I have given these people every ounce of what I can give, and yet when I dont expect it, they tell me all my flaws, they count all the things that is wrong with my mind, and then they leave. I am left with not those happy memories of our time together, but with more insecurities and doubt of myself. I am my biggest criticizer, but the criticism only grows every time someone points out my mistakes, and then leaves. So I find myself avoiding the ones I love, out of fear that they will see how imperfect I am, point it out, and leave like others have done before them. If you are to tell me I am selfish, how I am supposed to believe I am not so? If you were to tell me I am full of flaws, how am I supposed to believe I am not? If you were to tell me I am the problem, how do you not expect me to believe I am? And so I sit, in darkness before the sun comes up, asking God why he made me so imperfect and not knowing how to change for the better. They say love is unconditional, but how I am I to believe that is true when it seems love is only temporary. They only love you until they see the reasons you should not be loved.
