A shift has changed with you and neither of us can deny it.
Like going through hell that I've already been through. I haven't breathed in weeks. The overwhelming anxiety keeps my body shaking. This is pain I've experienced before but it doesn't hurt anyless. I know it will get harder and hurt more with more time until doesn't no more.
Don't tell me you love me if it's a lie, something like that is not something to lie about to a girl, especially one you know is head over heels for you.
You can't just have the pieces of me that you want, you either can have all of me, the good and the bad, or no part of me. It's not fair for me when I want every piece of you. All of you.
I don't want to feel like a placeholder anymore. I want to feel as loved and as wanted as I feel towards you, or least I just want to be ok. Not sad or heartbroken over you anymore. You have so much power over my heart, and it's not your fault I gave you that power with blind love.
You've told me to start being selfish. The truth is when it comes to you I'm the worse. I will ignore how I feel or what I want so I can keep you in my life. I just want to be whatever it is you want me to be, but it's draining and I dont want that anymore. I feel as if there is no love, care, interest, or energy but most of all no respect and honesty that is coming back. You only care about me when I'm not in ur life, or the kind of person you want me to be in your life and that's simply not fair to me.
It's no secret our relationship is complicated with lots of history that I'll never forget. Both good and bad. Lots of love and lots of hate. I'm tired of feeling the hate more than the love. I don't know if it hurts more with you in my life or not apart of it at all. I've experienced both and sometimes I can't tell which one hurts me more.
I think I deserve to hear you admit that you never loved me. It'll help me move on.
