Gmailing You

38. Bandit Of Love

Yes, two days ago she confessed to Jungkook. And she assumed he'd accept right away. But what she did not know was Jungkook hadn't really thought about it. She almost feels guilty about confessing that night. But she was genuine, and it was what it was.

She's never forced emotions on anyone and doesn't want to do it with Jungkook too. What she's done is tell how she feels about him and it's supposedly enough for her. Yet, she finds herself slightly astonished at the explanation.

Why has he rejected her?

Did he think she was irrationally being thankful to him? And they weren't just feelings, and she's misjudging herself?

She doesn't know. He didn't even bother to give her a proper explanation. He instead wanted to wrap up the conversation and run back to his room. Back to where he came from.

It's confusing to her. He's been nice. Was nicer than he is right now, before he left for London. He was open about his feelings. So expressive. So attractively engaged with her, but now — it's as if an enormous truck has hit her. Splitting her head open. As if what happened never happened.

He lifted her hopes. Led her on. Made her fall for him and now when it's coming to the commitment he's backing away. Why?

In these few days of being with him, she understands at least this much that Jungkook can never fall to such low standards. That he's not like anyone else. He was different. So easy to fall in love with. So easy to be with.

He sat listening to her rant about her dreams. Talking about her mom with her. Smiling at her. Bringing flowers to her. Encouraging her artistic creativity. Bringing food to her bed. Eating with her. Visiting her mom's grave with her. Laughing and talking nonstop. Making fun of each other. Picking out dresses for her. Clicking pictures with her. So much.

Everything when he arrived in Korea for just ten days. Just ten days and he'd left her with so much to feel.

Now? It's gone. Everything. Making her almost believe that it never even happened. As if she hallucinated the whole thing.

She was finding a home in him. One man she's been close to after her dad was Jungkook. Yes, she agrees everything was all about his looks at first. Trying to play a game of pretending to be the girl he mailed and stuff. Blah blah blah.

Jungkook never really mentioned emails. Jennie doesn't understand why you'd want to hide that from him. But of course, there was no harm. None of you mentioned it even once.

Instead, she was glad about it. In some ways, she got to spend time with Jungkook. Understand him. Get to know him on a deeper level. Ending up falling for him along the way.

She felt safe with him. In his arms. She can't fathom if it's genuine deep feelings, but she can say he's been a great friend to her. And she misses that part of him. So much. So much.

And if she could go back in the past, she would not repeat the same mistake as she did. Would email him. Become closer than she already is.

"Is that all?" Jungkook shuts the deck and Jennie blinks twice and thrice and clears her throat. "Wh–what?" She's almost panicking as if she spilt words from her brain all aloud.

He stands straight. Eyes on her. "The baskets?"

She takes a sharp breath. "Oh—of course. The baskets." She rubs her forehead. Looks everywhere. "Right. Right."

Jungkook approaches her. Hands slowly raise to firmly hold her shoulders but she flinches at the touch. He retracts immediately. Worried. "Are you okay?"

She shuts her eyes and lowers her head. "Yes–yes. Don't worry." She lifts her face and Jungkook almost gets slapped with the hat she's wearing.

"Oh—I'm so-so sorry. Shit." She adjusts her hat. She's wearing a light shade of green dress reaching her knees. It's decent and pretty. Strapped sleeves. A pretty bracelet on her wrist. Simple sandals.