Azmaish-e-Ishq

Ch. 38: The Envelope

How can I break their hearts? I already broke Salaar's. I broke him entirely, and the guilt doesn't let me sleep or eat.

The day he came home early, when everything came crashing down—that day, my other dream was shattered. And it doesn't leave my mind for a second. The devastation has swallowed me whole. It was my dream and his dream, for our future. And now it's shattered. It will only remain a dream for me.

My decision caused me to lose Salaar forever. My husband, my best friend, the one person that never left my side, I tore his heart apart with my own hands. I ended our relationship with my own hands.

"I love you, Heer." Even after everything, he was professing his love to me. The hurt in his eyes, the pain and yearning in his voice, each and every word of mine was stabbing his heart, but he still loved me.

And I will have to continue living on finding strength in those words, that he loves me. Even though I don't deserve it.

I feel so alone. I lost the person who was there for me through everything, who loved me while wanting nothing return, without expecting anything in return.

Our wedding. Having to call the vendors and cancel all the bookings—I wasn't ready. It would be an indicator that everything was truly over between us. I didn't want to face it. I want to continue, even if it's for a few more days, being Heer Riaz, being Salaar's wife.

My body trembled while I sobbed silently, looking down at my wrist. Tear drops fell around the days-old ink.

But I keep reminding myself that I have to let go. For him. I can't hold him back. He deserves so much better.

"Heer?" I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I glanced at Alejandra behind me.

"Can I give you a hug?"

I nodded, weeping silently while embracing the older woman.

"I don't know what you're going through, but I'm sorry," she rubbed my back, "You're such a sweet girl, you don't deserve to be crying like this."

I pulled back and wiped my face.

"You don't have to share with me, but I am here if you want to talk."

"Thank you," I sniffled.

"Why don't you go home? I'll close the store today."

I didn't want to go home. I would be left with no choice but to contemplate how I'm going to bring things up to our parents.

But maybe it was time to rip off the bandage. It would be entirely more devastating the closer we get to our wedding function dates.

I nodded and began taking off my apron.

When I got home, it was evening and no one was here. I paced around in my bedroom before pausing in front of my dressing table mirror as I bawled, my hands covering my face.

I don't want to let go of Salaar. I love him so much.

But this was better for him. Aur uski bhalai mein meri bhalai hai.
(And in his betterment is my betterment.)

I paused when I heard a noise near my window. The sound of the glass pane being pushed up followed.

Salaar.

I moved to the middle of my room and stared at him, taken aback, while he walked over with tears in his eyes and an envelope in his hand.

He stood in front of me, face-to-face, searching my eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, voice strained, his tears spilling.