The Reason? - Yoon Jeonghan

Chapter 38

He watched her as she pushed herself further away from him and sat back down in her chair, though she didn't go back to work and diligently gathered the papers together and piled her belongings together, his hands not letting go of her during all these actions. He gripped her shoulder in support when she sighed and laid back in the chair.

"I think I know why we haven't changed yet." She said, gathering her belongings to put them in her bag. Joenghan hummed in a response, watching her as she seemed to accept the fact that she needed a break from studying. "Because I haven't thought of you yet."

She caught his gaze at that moment. "I mean-" She caught herself, "It sounded bad, didn't it"

-

Ophely watched as the boys ate their ice cream on the small rooftop of the company, enjoying the warmth and the open cityscape. Gazing at her feet, she ate her ice cream in silence, not knowing why her gut clenched as soon as she thought about engaging in any conversation. She stood up once done, happy to have had that welcome break with a sweet thing, but at the back of her mind still sat her exams, tormenting her with failure. Jeonghan saw her from a few metres away, face in the sun and chatting with one of his staff regarding the upcoming comeback. He spared her a glance as she stood up and dusted her pants. When their gaze crossed he sent her a silent 'hwaiting', which she accepted with a smile and a small wave.

But as she sat down in front of her tidy desk, Ophely couldn't even make herself open the page to her module.

She sighed. Like she often did since January.

It wasn't easy.

Ophely fiddled with her pen more than she wrote or copied what was written in her jotter and lessons, her laptop opened in front of her and replaying some of the lessons she had recorded with ehr teachers along the last trimester. "Je vais me prendre une caisse..." She muttered to herself desperately, clearly not trusting herself with the upcoming exams. The girl borrowed her face in her arms crossed over on the desk. Though quickly startled out of her position as the door closed behind her.

"I have no idea what that meant, but I am here to help you." Ophely turned around to watch as Joshua walked away from the entrance and sat down in the empty seat and rolled the chair over beside her.

She sat perplexed in her chair, watching him some more.

"Why are you here?"

"I told you, to help you with your studies."

She shook her head, "I know why you are here. Why are you here?"

"Oh." He hadn't expected that question from her. He observed the girl as she huffed and went back to burrowing her head in her arms and playing with her pen. "Were you expecting someone else?" She asked, a sly smile gracing his lips. Ophely turned to him weirded out by his answer, though quickly turning a shy shade of pink at his face. "Would you have liked me to be someone else right now? I can call that person in if you want." His smile widened as he saw teenager's growing wide.

"No, no, no." She shook her head widely, sitting up a bit more, clearly seeing what he was implying. "I was just not expecting anyone to come." She turned to look away from him as she admitted her next words. "Though if there had to be someone I thought would come, it wasn't you."

"No worries, I get it; You share something with Jeonghan that none of us could fathom to understand." Joshua smiled, going back to staring at the desk. "Though I'm still here to help you."

"Thanks."

However, much to her own chagrin, Joshua's help wasn't very effective. It wasn't his fault, it was hers. She couldn't put herself to listen to him explaining, or simply giving her advice and correcting her exercises. She was just there, staring at her paper, and nodding from time to time, scribbling some things mindlessly on the paper. It was effective, nor was it productive either.

He could see it as he said the same thing for the third time in a row, the girl reacting plainly to his words, not tilting to the fact that he repeated himself like a robot. She wasn't paying him much attention, she was just there.

"Ophely." It was the first time he had called her out. She turned to face him, stopping her pen from scribbling useless sentences on the nice squared paper. For once since an hour, she was concentrating on something. She hummed a response, telling him he had her attention."What's on your mind?"

She gave a sigh, putting her pen nicely away, understanding that, really, she wasn't going to get work done with a mind this full. Joshua seemed to have understood such before her.

"I don't know."

"Just rant if you need to, I know that helps knowing what is actually there. I'm full ears." Joshua took a more comfortable exposition in his swivel chair, fully facing the girl now.

Not caring about her papers anymore, Ophely just leaning over them, head in hands and elbows scrunching up one sheet. She leaned out of her position to tuck the paper somewhere else. Silently taking her position. She stopped moving when she was bundled up in her chair, with her feet up, and her head laying comfortably on one of her biceps. She played with loose strands of her hair. Breathing in deeply, and then a heavy sigh.

"I don't know, you know." She looked towards the recording apparatus in the room. "There are just so many things going on here. With you boys having a comeback soon. And also my exams. I think we might all be a little tense." Ophely looked over at her interlocutor to see him nodding along. "So I suspect that I am also very tense. With it all you, you know. It's complicated.

Between my korean lessons, korean school lessons, and being on leave from the school because of the sasaeng and the rumours. It isn't a nice feeling to not be out of the spotlight yet. And also with those lessons mixing in with my French school one's, with a much more condensed cursus and the way it is a much different way of answering exams.

Did you know that in France we don't have Literary French in our last year of high school but rather Philosophy. Which is about the ways of human philosophy. The exam is supposed to be our own thoughts in an essay form regarding things we have learned during the year and with a lot of references but also it has to be in line with the corrector's line of thoughts. More or less. It's not easy." She pushed her face deeper into her sleeve. "Just so much. And that's only one of the exams I have to take. And they aren't all on the same day like the Suneung, you see. I have my first one at the end of the week, but it will go on for another two weeks." Joshua heard her mumble, "The feeling of finally being done, and thus not done, is just stretched out and the uncertainty is so bad. Like I will have to wait for over a week before having the results of the exams I had four weeks prior ..."

"But you are not worried about you and Jeonghan exchanging bodies?"

"Well, no. I think I finally understand." She sat deeper in her chair, yet not moving her head up from where it was pushed into her crossed arms. Her words came out a bit muffled. "We haven't swapped in a long time. And I realised that if I don't worry about him, then it doesn't happen. The only thing I am scared of is that he worries about me and he is the one to make us swap. You see. Only speculations, but not stupid ones. Jeonghan agreed with me not long ago when I voiced that thought out. Because, you know, I have been stressed for a while and yet I haven't hindered your comeback preparations much."

"I see."

Joshua patted her back, suspecting that while she hid her face away from him, silent tears were running down her cheeks and moistening her top. He didn't comment on it.