Snowfall

4

Another Friday passed signaling the end of another week. Bucky still didn't exist in your world. He had been gone. It was you and Steve sitting in the common area waiting for a text to start your meeting. The newest mission was right around the corner. You assumed Bucky would return in time for the departure. The more you thought of him the more rage filled your body. Steve placed his large hand over your balled fist gently. "I know" was all he said. He was so used to making excuses for his friends behavior as he learned to work through his trauma. It was always a painful affair. And to be honest you blamed yourself. You always picked the difficult type.

"It's time" Steve announced and you finally stopped bouncing your leg. It was a habit you didn't know you still had. Walking in tensely next to Steve he could feel the heat waves coming off of you. "Breathe y/n. If I know Bucky as well as I think I do, he won't be there" Steve tried to calm you but it wasn't working. Just the thought of seeing him made you so mad you could start seeing colors. Glancing up at the captains face you came to a realization.

"You know where he is" you grumbled. Steve sighed, avoiding eye contact wrestling with himself if he should tell you the truth.

"Uh yeah I do" he gave in, "he went on a solo assignment."

You just shook your head, "so I'm such a let down that he has to leave to get away from me" you spat out in disgust before turning sharply into Fury's office lobby.

"Steve claims that you have been training well enough to get back out there, is that true?" Nick asked you towering over your sitting figure.

"Yes sir" you replied simply but with a bite. Nick raised his eyebrow in fascination.

"Well then you leave tomorrow night. It will be a few days before you're back home again. Steve has the debrief" , he stated as he handed the folder over to your team leader.

"Great" you mentioned before abruptly getting up and leaving in a hurry to be with cigarettes and your thoughts.
A half a pack of cigarettes and a few beers later you laid down in your bed feeling ready to sleep. It would be the last chance to get some good hours in before leaving for a few days. You had closed your eyes and drifted off easily due to the alcohol in your system. Your dreams were filled with music and black leaving you to sleep peacefully for the first time in forever. A knock shook you from your blissful state instantly igniting a rage within you. Everyone knew if it was actually quiet in your room during the night to leave you the hell alone unless it was a Thanos level threat. You begrudgingly made your way to open your door to find Bucky looking disheveled and desperate. He had dark circles forming under his eyes and looked like he hadn't been taking care of himself.

"Y/N" he softly spoke, pulling at your stomach and making it flip. Without a word from you in return you slammed the door in his face. All the emotional baggage and anger bubbling over, taking over your brain. You stood with your back against the door panting as you tried to come back into yourself. Bucky stood at the door for a moment before turning around and leaving. You heard footsteps retreating and panicked. In one motion you opened the door and ran through it. You reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him from taking any more large steps. Your poor short legs couldn't quite keep up. He stopped moving the second your skin touched together. He gave you the saddest look as you sighed and bowed your head. Gently you lead him inside your apartment in silence. The communication was understood between the two of you without words. You climbed into your bed and looked at him as he stood at the side of your bed speechless. You patted the empty side next to you and laid down getting comfortable trying not to wake yourself up too much so you could go back to sleep. The bed bounced softly as Bucky climbed in and got under the covers. You let out a deep breath with your eyes closed relaxing your body despite the rapid heart rate.
You had fallen asleep easily which was a surprise but a welcome one. Bucky laid there counting your breaths. It was something he did on missions when you were gone for days on end, it was something you didn't know he did. It was his way of calming his anxiety at night. Within an hour bucky was finally safe from his thoughts. The room filled with the exhausted winter soldiers snores that you remained completely unaware of. Bucky mumbled groggily in his sleep, breaking yours. You lazily picked up your heavy arm and placed a finger on his lips making a soft shushing sound. Your finger stayed draped over his soft lips. He fell silent once again and you settled back into the soft pillows. The birds alerted you of mornings arrival dragging your body back to reality as the day began. The familiar sounds of recruits jogging in formation outside your window filled your ears. A smile was plastered on your face as you rolled over to find an empty bed. Your heart sank deep within your chest. The familiar sharp pain returning after such a quick reprieve. Sighing you rubbed your face trying to wake yourself up some more. The disappointment filled every inch of your body making you sluggish. Why did he keep doing this to you ? Why did you let him?
At breakfast that morning you sat down next to Loki.

"How are we feeling this morning, neighbor?" He asked innocently. Loki was one of your favorite people to hang out with because he never judged you and it was always a good time. Oftentimes you hung out in his apartment late at night because he was always up reading. You looked up and assessed the room seeing Bucky close by.

"Feeling pretty shitty after getting ghosted but you know whatever" you sarcastically snapped. His shoulders dropped at your words. It made you smirk that your words hit their target. He should know how you feel. It was a shitty thing to do.

"A one night stand snuck out to avoid the walk of shame?" Loki asked with a chuckle in his voice.

"I wish it was that simple" you mumbled sadly before getting up and leaving the kitchen. You blazed past Bucky in a flame of anger.

"Y/n" he practically whispered as you whipped by him.

You turned sharply on a dime, "just don't. I'll see you on the quinjet, 2200, don't be late." You snapped the order to find a surprised expression on his face.

"Yes ma'am" he replied shakily. You whipped your head around and began walking away as fast as you could before you did anything you would regret.