I knew the familiar feeling of my period cramps. Like a fucking truck made of cement and over loaded with bricks was running over stomach. I bent over the table to remove half of my body pressure from my feet. Zade's arm fell over my back as he held me softly.
"I'm fin—"
"Stop with the bullshit, Aia." He said, his voice protective. "What's wrong?"
I was on birth control, the first time I got it was when I was nineteen, and I loved how less I got my period because of it.
But whenever I did, the pain was worse than stabbing your toe against a metal corner of the table. And that's a lot.
I stand up up straight and push him off. "I'm fine." I put a hand in between us.
There was nothing but care and worry in his eyes. Somehow my mind convinced the naive part of me that he was faking it all. He wouldn't care if I was in pain.
"I'm always right here" That's bullshit.
He made it clear from the beginning. He doesn't want any entanglements. All he wants is to get in my pants. How the fuck does he expect me to act after he left me for a month. A month, after I let him have the biggest part of me.
But I'm a stupid, foolish, brainless, and naive person who lets anyone do anything to them, as long as they stay.
I've grown up but I haven't matured.
"I gave you what you wanted, isn't it? Thank you for helping me clean but that's it. Go, please."
I can't say I'm surprised when he moves back, his concerning fading into obscurity.
I can't help my eyes from burning with tears when he turns his back on me and walks in the direction of the door.
See? No one's ever just there.
At the end of day when I'm hurting the most and in times he promised to always be here, he's never there. And it fucking sucks.
Sucks to do everything for someone and for them to dim in the thinnest of times. It really sucks.
I hold in my cries for when I'm the shower, to let it all out into a world where there's no shits for anyone to provide me with. No fucks and no cares.
No Zade and no Hannah. No Angelica and no Dad.
No fucking one.
. . .
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"Daniel, I have a question..." I've been pacing up and down the aisles but I can't seem to make up my mind. "What's up?" He says, and I hear the distant typing of his keyboard.
"What kind of food do women like on their...uh... periods?" My voice felt unfamiliar, I had no idea what she was turning me into.
A laughed bloomed from the other side of the line. "She has you, doesn't she?" He laughed.
"I think I should remind you of what you told me a few times." He exhaled. "I don't need a fucking lecture, tell me or hang up."
Once upon a time Daniel was smitten over his high school sweetheart that when we met, he couldn't even smile. I didn't get it because he said he was the one to leave her, then why mourn a plate you broke deliberately?
"Junk food." He said, "Be specific," I answered, I was running out of patience. "Fuck man, chocolates, ice cream and everything in between." He sounded agitated. I hung up before saying thank you just because I felt like he didn't deserve it.
I get everything I see, something I'd get for my little sister. Chips, chocolates (all types) and ice-creams. I also got her a comfy teddy.
I pay for the items and head to her house.
I type in the code I hacked and electricity would go out for a few minutes but it's normal. I'm using an alternative code that was supposed to expire three weeks ago.
I enter with the three plastics loaded to the brim and teddy in between my arm.
I took a shower at the gym before I went to the store, so I'm wearing fresh clothes and I smell better.
It's embarrassing how rarely I'm at my own house, I haven't been there in a week now, and counting.
The door closes after me and I walk into a cloud of darkness. "Aia?" I call out.
I don't hear any sudden movements so I make my way up to her room. This time I behave civil, I knock on the door and wait for a response. When I hear a muffled go away.
I go in.
Nothing and no one on this earth can keep me away from her. Not even herself.
She's mine and mine only.
Her tears her mine as much as her joys. I should be the only one making her feel those emotions. No one else but me, because she is mine.
