his favourite

view

"Lia?" I knock on her door "what?" she opens the door "can we talk?" I ask which made her give me a cringe look.

Lia has been ignoring me for the past few weeks, I took it just fine but now I need her help.

"about?"
"about George." I say which made her close the door, but luckily I could stop her by putting my foot between.

"It's really important." I tell her, she hesitates but lets me come into her room. I sit myself down on her bed and watch how she closes a tap on her MacBook.

"what is it?" she turns around with her chair. "I've been thinking about George." I tell her "really much."

She laughs.
"I'm serious!" I say "i didn't realise until now that he's gone."

"well you know the old few words of mom. 'Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.' and 'you'll only miss them when they're gone'"

"I know her words, Lia." I mumble "it's just that I was so focused on other things.." i look up to her "i know what you mean." she luckily says.

"I was so focused on that one thing that I didn't realise how much George really meant to me. I didn't realise how comfortable I was with him.. how trusted."

"Clay that's your own fault. You messed this shit up and cheated!" Lia angrily says "maybe he'll forgive you one day, but there'll never be you two again."

I feel my heart breaking.

"none will ever forgive a cheater that way." she says "but I am really sorry! I tried to apologise but it didn't work, he won't believe me.."

"He has every right to not believe you!" she shouts "you lied, manipulated and cheated on him! How on gods earth do you expect him to believe you?"

I stare at her.

"He's the only one that made me feel like this." I tell her "none else ever made me feel these things."

"Once a cheater, always a cheater." Lia turns herself away "I would never- ever! cheat on him again!" I shout.

"I would rather kill myself than hurt George again!" I tell her "that's too late now.." she mumbles "you've hurt him in a way none else can."

"His childhood crush, teenager crush, first love, first boyfriend cheated on him." she gives me a sad look "he's going to die with those thoughts."

"He'll never forget you or what you've done to him. The first love of someone will always stay in their mind."

"Please you gotta help me out here Lia.." i move closer to her "I'm your brother."

"You're not my brother." she says "the brother i knew was sweet to everyone."
"I was third teen at that age!" I say "people change Lia!"

"damn right! Now get out of here, I'm sick of you!" she gets up as she starts to push me "please Lia!" the door gets slammed.

"I really love George.. help me out this once." I say but no response. I sigh before I pull my phone out and walk into my room.

It is my fault.. I know. But what on earth am I supposed to do for George to forgive me?

Him and I had the greatest time ever and I knew it while being with him. I knew how much fun I had, but I couldn't realise how much I loved him. 

I feel tears in my eyes the more I stare at my phone.

I couldn't realise how much I adored him for being himself. I love him so much but why didn't I realise sooner?

The more time passes by the sadder and angrier I get. I hate myself, I'm so angry at myself for doing that to him.

I grab my keys and run downstairs before slamming the front door close. I get into my car, put on the radio and drive.

I stopped at a pub where I want to clear my mind with drinks. I don't know what else to do except from drinking, there's no other way of clearing a mind.

As I go through my phone on social media, I keep getting drinks from the guy named Larry.
Without thinking how strong it is I drink it with one swallow.

Hours went by and I just wanted my feeling to get numb for a night.
Maybe when I wake up I'll have a clear mind and can help myself with George.

Maybe then I can show him how much I love him.. how much I adore him, how much I would really do for him.

I wish I could hug him, kiss him, feel him in my arms, wake up next to him, take his sadness away.. make him happy.

I wish we could cure each others sadness..
"what am I saying?" I laugh the more I feel the alcohol kicking in.

I wish he could forgive me, love me.

I stand up as my view moves around but I still manage to walk out of the pub. I get into my car and throw my head back the more I feel it hurt.

I laugh.

I start the car and drive while listening to sad music and happy, changing it every time I felt like changing it.

"I set fire~" I feel my body moving to the music and my eyes get closed. I enjoy the happiness as I drive faster.

deep deep!

My eyes flash open and I see a truck racing at me while deeping.

The only thing I could to in that moment was think about George. The picture of his face appeared in my view instead of the truck.

Until I heard a crash and I felt my head burning.