Vent Posts

Decide. Decide

I have always thought about kids and if I had wanted one. My whole life I have been told to have kids. Its good for you but for me I don't think it would. I don't think I would be a good mother. I've had a hard time thinking I could be a good one. I don't know how to be one. A lot of people tell me it would come in time. A Mother's Instinct but I don't know if I want one. I still don't know if I want kids or not. I'm told I need too. I can't decide anything. I can't think for myself. I keep thinking I don't want any but then I think I do. But I have reasons why I wouldn't be a good mother. I get angry easily. I don't know how to calm myself and listen to a child and take time to understand what to do. I have medical problems that could be given to my kid if I had one. I know this because my mother gave them to me and her mother gave them to her. I don't wanna risk giving my child something I struggle with every day. Its a horrible thing. The pain and misery I ender is terrible. I wouldn't wish it on a worst enemy. The pain is exhausting. And thinking I was the reason for my child to have it would be terrible. I wouldn't stop feeling bad about my child when they would complain about pain or that they are having a hard time in school because of a learning disability that I gave to them. No one wants to understand my point of view of the matter and I don't wanna bring it up to anyone.