Wicked in Love

Chapter 18 - I will

Because I had to. Letting him go and getting over him was the best thing for me. For him, too. But no matter how many times, no matter how long it had been since we've been apart, I should be honest with myself and admit that I had failed. I still hadn't forgotten him. I still hadn't stopped loving him. But I wasn't going to beat myself up for it anymore. I would be kinder to myself and let myself go through the emotions and not fight them.

Every logical part of myself was screaming at me to stop all contact with him. And I would. Because every time we meet, I couldn't stop myself from being drawn to him. I knew I was weak when he was close. I didn't want to give myself a chance to act on my desires. Because being so close to him, watching him talk and move and breathe, I knew I wanted him. Even when I hated him.

If I were alone with him, there was a possibility that I'd have kissed him again. And maybe... more. It wasn't right. The longing I felt for him had only grown stronger, and I hated it. If I slept with him, I'd only hate myself more. I would lose my self respect. Because why would I give my body to someone, no matter how much I loved him, when he kept rejecting my heart? I couldn't live with that.

So, I decided, I would be very careful not to see him or interact with him in any shape or form. If I knew he'd be there, I wouldn't go if I could help it. But since Veronica asked me to be with her at Lockhart's birthday party, I couldn't say no. Next time, I would ask her not to invite me anymore to events if he was going to be there. She would understand.

I was too busy after he left, too heartbroken to heal. But maybe now I could. I had to learn to let him go. And also let go that part of myself that loved him very much. And let go of that part of myself that was deeply broken when he left.

When I saw Veronica peeked at the wall clock again, I laughed.

"Ver," I said. "You're making me itchy just watching you."

She tapped her fingers on her desk. "Then don't watch me."

"Just go home already and get ready for your man."

Now she's biting her lip. "I'm fine."

"Ver."

"Want a milkshake? Should I get you one? I feel like I need to move. I'll get you one from the shop across the street."

"Want me to be butt burping at the party?"

"Right." She sighed. "You already had one yesterday anyway."

"Two, if those skater boys at the mall didn't piss me off."

Yesterday, Veronica and I went shopping for her dress at the mall, and luckily, found a gorgeous one that could've made both our days complete. Except that Beatrice-Rose, Lockhart's stalker as far as I was concerned, was there in the shop.

To say that encounter was disturbing was fitting, and I thought after that the bad luck was over. But as I was driving my car out of the mall parking lot, a bunch of teenagers on their skateboards danced around my car and wouldn't move out of my way. I saw two of them throw their cigarette butts on my rear windshield for no reason at all. I gave them the horn as a warning to back off, but they slapped my car instead.

"I can't believe you threw your milkshake at them," Ver continued. She shook her head, but her dark eyes shone with surprised admiration.

"You threw your milkshake at them?" Dylan stalked in. His eyes were impatient and confrontational as they glared at me. He pulled his pen out of his pocket, jotted something on a work order and placed it in the client folder. "Why are you always fighting with someone? Why can't you just leave things alone?"

I blinked at him slowly, speechless for a moment at the way he was talking to me.

"What did you say to me?" I said, enunciating every word.

When he just glared, I warned, "You better stop talking back to me or I'll smack you to your next life."

He stalked out. I took a deep breath to calm myself, trying to remember all the things my dad advised me the last time Dylan and I had an argument.

"Kar, take a breath."

"I know. Sorry, I'll be right back."

I followed Dylan. He was on his bay, having a temper tantrum. I watched as he opened his toolbox, slamming the top on his desk with a loud bang.

"You better calm the fuck down, Dylan."

"Or what?"

"What the hell is wrong with you? Where do you get off talking to me like that, you little shit?"

He turned his back, ignoring me as he rummaged his toolbox. The other mechanics in the bay were watching us now. Ekon silently raised his brows at me, asking if he should interrupt us. I shook my head at him.

"You think it's easy for me to watch you get hurt?" he demanded angrily. "Why are you just thinking about yourself? I'm so done with this."

"What—"

"Look, I'm just not in the mood to talk right now." Suddenly he looked like he was going to cry. "Can you give me some space? I'm just so tired right now."

"Kara, can you pick up the parts I need for Mrs. Chung's car right— Oh. Sorry," Vlad said as he took in the scene in front of him. "I'll come back later."

"No, no. I got it, Vlad."

I watched my brother's back as he walked out of the shop. I felt so confused and hurt and very worried about him—especially at the way he was acting lately. We'd always had our disagreements before, but he'd never been this combative toward me. What the hell was happening?

It seemed as though he... hated me. My heart hurt. It felt like he was ripping it out. I kept wondering what I did that made him so angry at me, but nothing came to mind. 

I'd always been overprotective of him. Growing up without a mother, I had raised him. He was my brother, but to me he was also my kid. Dylan had always been a part of my life, and he'd always looked at me with love, even when we were fighting. But this time, this time...

I didn't know how to deal with him when he was like this. He was different. Usually when I threatened him, he'd always tell me what was wrong. It always worked, but not this time. It felt like I lost my brother. Was it my fault?

After I picked up the parts for Mrs. Chung, I pretended to be in a good mood the rest of the shift. I didn't want my dark mood to affect Veronica's. This was supposed to be an exciting day for her.

Half an hour before closing time, I told Veronica we should start balancing the cash and receipts since there were only two cars that needed to be picked up. She tried but failed to hide the excitement and relief in her eyes. I laughed.

"Lockhart must be itchy to see you. He's texted you every five minutes—"

My heart leapt to my throat as I heard my dad's shouts from the back of the shop, followed by several others. It was normal to hear yelling at the shop, but I'd heard the panic and terror in it.

Veronica and I rushed to the back of the shop, but just before I reached the door, I froze in terror. Something was happening, something bad. My knees gave out as I heard the explosion.

THREE CHAPTERS POSTED TODAY! Chapter 16, Chapter 17, and Chapter 18.

I'm not sure if you remember, but there is a version of this chapter in Veronica's POV in Always Red. I hope you enjoyed reading the three chapters I posted for you today. I'll see you soon, my loves. Thanks for being here. It means a lot to me. ❤️ Love, Isabelle