Me and the Devil - a darklina fanfic

Chapter one

But her little breakdown didn't explain how she ended up in bed. She closed her eyes as she tried to remember what happened next. And she flushed. The Darkling had held her. Fuck. She could still feel the soothing pattern he drew on her back, the calming effet of his words. I won't let you be alone, my Alina. Was he the one who put her in bed? She slumped back down on the mattress , drowning in her shame.

But apparently, the saints wouldn't let her pity herself today, because as soon as she did, someone knocked on the door of her quarters. Alina groaned, but stood up and put on a robe to go open the door, like the good little saint she was expected to be.
When she opened the door, her bad mood strengthened by seing who was on the other side. Nikolai. As enjoyable as his company was, Alina hadn't yet digested the fact that he had lied to her. Nor did she digest the fact that he had  left court for seven years when Ravka needed him the most. Now I sound like The Darkling, she bitterly thought.

"What do you want?", said Alina. It was supposed to be a question but came out as a statement. Guess being a good little saint isn't for today, after all.
"Has anyone ever told you you look radiant in the morning?" said the ever flirtatious Nikolai. Seing her lack of response, he continued: "I made an appointment with the tailor of the royal family today. You still have twenty minutes or so to get ready." At that, Alina was extremely confused. They were in the middle of a war, it wasn't exactly like they had time for fashion.
"Why would you make an appointment with a tailor?"
"Well, since you agreed to marry me, you ought to have the perfect gown for when we announce our engagement.", said the sobachka, grinning.
With the events in her room last night, Alina forgot about her deal with the Lantsov Prince.
"Right. The engagement.", said she.
"Sadly, my magnificent self won't be able to be here for the fitting session, so I will see you at the meeting this afternoon, Sunshine.", concluded Nikolai before leaving.

Alina closed the door. She leaned her head against it and sighed. As a kid, she always thought she would marry Mal; and once she arrived at the Little Palace, she let herself dream about a future with —  No. She wouldn't finish that thought. The only thing it would do is hurt her. Hurt her because she would realize how naive she had been. Hurt her because a part of her still wanted this future to be true.

           

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Alina entered the fitting room. She was still shaken up by what happened with The Darkling, but tried to not let it affect her. She failed. As soon as she stepped foot in the room, she was accosted by a woman who bowed her head and lightly saluted her with a "Sankta Alina".
Usually, this title would make the sun summoner's skin crawl, but she found out she actually quite liked the sound of it. It made her feel powerful. Like someone to be respected, feared even. No, no and no. That is the Darkling's thing, not mine, thought she.

The tailor, who's name Alina found out was Katya, led her to a platform in the middle of the fitting room. Alina stepped on it, and started to take her clothes off. In the first army, privacy wasn't something you could afford. She remembered showering with men in the common bathroom , the disgusting comments they would make. As uncomfortable as Alina was with her nudity with men, she didn't care about it with women. Cliche, but true.
And so, the fitting session began.

An hour of trying on extravagant dresses later, Alina found herself in a white gown, with flowers embroidered on the torso and sleeves. The tailor left the room to go make some tea, so Alina used this time to look at herself in the mirror. It reminded her of the day The Darkling took her to the fountain. She had looked at her reflection in the water, and he had asked her what she saw. "Someone's version of me.", she had answered. And now that she stared at the mirror, this statement was true. She felt like a doll, a toy to dress up and to control. At this moment, she realized she was as much of a pawn to Nikolai as she had been to The Darkling. The prince needed her to become King, just like The Darkling had needed her to expand the fold. But she couldn't let herself think about that for too long, because if she did, she knew she wouldn't like what conclusion she would make. That The Darkling was right. Again.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even feel it. Didn't even feel him. So when he spoke, she let out a shriek that, if you asked her, sounded ridiculous.
"I prefer you in black."
She saw him behind her in the mirror, looking as perfect as ever. Alina quickly regained her composure. "I have to agree with you on that one.", she said.
He only smirked and looked at her reflection. Really looked at her. Their gazes met. She felt her pulse quicken. He was the only person who had ever looked at her that way. With admiration. Lust. Desire.
"You look beautiful, Moya solnichka."
Alina didn't know what to say, afraid that butterflies would come out of her mouth. So she replied with a witty comment, because she couldn't think of anything else: "I thought you liked me better in black."
"Oh believe me, seing you wearing my color is a sight to behold, but you don't look any less in white.", answered The Darkling.

At that, Alina flushed. But her cheeks reddened even more when she thought about last night. She had to say something, didn't she? Wouldn't it be embarrassing to not say anything? Her mouth opened before she could stop herself.
"Listen, about last night, I —"
"You don't have to say anything, Alina.", he said, gently.
She turned around to look at him face to face, not through the mirror, but before she could speak, he changed the subject. This man and his mood swings, she thought.

"What is the dress for, anyway? Is the sobachka throwing a ball in the middle a war? He is no better than his father.", he said with a slight grin.
Alina's face must have given her discomfort away, because the Darkling's face fell.
"Alina, what's wrong?" He sounded genuinely concerned, Alina would give him that.
She knew she had to tell him. What she didn't know is why the look he had in his eyes when she did hurt that much.
"Nikolai and I are engaged". She said the words so quietly, as if she was afraid of his reaction. And in a way she was.

When The Darkling didn't say anything, she continued: "It is only a marriage of convenience. Only I can get him a place on the throne." Why did she even feel the need to justify herself?
"You would help the Lantsov prince to be crowned king, when you left me for dead in the fold?", it was more a statement than a question.
"You do realize that he won't make a difference to how Grisha are treated? With an otkazat'sya on the throne, our people will still be in danger.", continued the Darkling.

Of course this is about Grisha, thought Alina. How could have I thought it was about anything else. "He might be an otkazat'sya, but he isn't a ruthless monster.", said she.
"My Alina, your insults are getting old.", answered the Darkling, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Alina was enraged. She hated when he did that. When he made a fool out of her.
"You want other insults, Darkling? You want to know what I think of you, what everyone thinks of you? All you are is a greedy monster denied of a soul. You don't care about Grisha. All you care about is power. You want people to fear you, but you know what? I think you're just a pathetic excuse of a man. You're already dead."

When Alina closed her mouth, The Darkling was gone. It was a victory of some sort. Then why did it feel so wrong?