Bucky's walk grows slower as we get closer to the apartment door. I have to stop and wait for him a couple of times. I still haven't gotten used to turning and seeing him with short hair. It's almost like I'm looking at the old Bucky, which makes me feel weird.
"Are you alright?" I ask him
"Yeah. It's definitely everyday that I find out I have a child I've never met..." he replies
"Excuse me? I asked you if you wanted to meet her. Where did this attitude come from all of a sudden?"
"I'm sorry, Emmy. I'm just... I wake up in Wakanda with many other people that were as confused as me, I learn I've been gone for 5 years, I'm being told by a sourcerer that we need to fight, we fight. Then it's over, I'm ready and excited to see you, and you tell me you have a 4-year-old daughter".
"Would you have preferred if I hid her from you?" I wonder
"Of course not. But it has been a couple of very intense days for me"
"And you think it's easy for me? It's been a couple of intense days for you, but for me it has been 5 intense years. No wait, more than that actually because the problems started far before that. If you're not ready, leave and give me a call when you man up" I state, out of patience.
"I'm scared" he admits. "I'm scared I won't live up to the expectation. I'm scared I'll disappoint her. I'm scared I'll scare her. I'm scared I'll hurt her...".
I stop dead in my tracks and I turn to face him again. "Is this why you wore gloves? I've told her about your metal arm, Bucky"
"And I'm glad you did. But what if it scares her?"
"But what if she loves it?".
He shakes his head and looks down. He's been childish, so I decide to treat him like a child. I grab his hand, and because I can't pick him up and carry him, I force him to walk with me instead.
"I'm opening the door and walking in. You come in whenever you feel like it" I say as I unlock the door
I go in before he can reply and I leave it slightly open. JJ is the first to run out of her room and straight in my arms. I kneel to the floor to kiss and hold her.
"You're late, mommy. You promise to read me a story before bed" she says
"Well, you're not in bed so I'm not really late" I point out
That moment Steve comes out too "I'm sorry, I know you said bedtime is at 9 but she wouldn't go without you" he says
"It's ok. Maybe it's good that she's awake right now" I reply. "How about you go pick a story and I'll be right there with you, baby?" I suggest
"Yes!" she runs back to her room, and I stand up again.
"Where is he?" Steve asks
"He's searching for his balls right outside the door" I answer
"Emily..."
"What? He's chickening out. Wanna talk emotions with him? Go ahead. I have a daughter to take care of"
"Yeah, I might do that... Anyway, I should be going. Goodnight"
"Goodnight".
He leaves but doesn't close the door entirely behind him. Not even two seconds later, he pushes Bucky inside and shuts it. I look at Bucky doing my best to hold myself from laughing.
"I used to beat up his bullies" he reminds me
"I know" I chuckle.
"Daddy!" we hear JJ's sweet voice followed by the sound of her little feet running.
She runs straight to Bucky and wraps arms around his legs. He is frozen. So, I walk to him and I rub his back to warm him up. "I told you so" I whisper into his ear.
He blinks a few times and kneels to JJ's level. She doesn't hesitate to throw her arms around his neck. Bucky's hands shake as he wraps his arms around her. His eyes shine with tears.
"Hi..." his voice breaks.
My own eyes fill with tears as I watch them. This is what I've been dreaming about all these years.
"Did you win the fight, daddy?" she asks
"Yes, he did" I answer for him.
"I knew it! Mommy and Captain America told me you're a hero".
Bucky pulls away from the hug, enough to look at her. He holds her arms and scans her form, taking her in.
"We won. And I'm so happy to meet you, JJ" he says
"Are you going to leave us again?" she wonders, breaking my heart
"Never" he answers immediately, and hugs her tightly.
This is it; the dream.
I cover my mouth with my hand and I turn my back to them. Tears roll down my cheeks. I hear movement behind me but I don't dare to look until I stop crying.
Suddenly, I feel a hand on my back. Bucky wraps one arm around me and hugs me, while holding JJ in the middle. His hand travels up to the back of my head, and brings my forehead to his shoulder. I wrap my arms around both of them and I take a long deep breath.
"I love you" I say
"I love you more" Bucky replies and kisses my head.
~
All three of us ended up on the big bed tonight. Me on the left, Bucky on the right -like always- and JJ in the middle of us. She was the first one to fall asleep.
Bucky hasn't taken his eyes off her and hasn't stopped brushing his fingers through her long hair.
"I'm actually jealous" I admit, causing him to chuckle
"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to realize that she's real... I missed so much..." his eyes shine with tears.
I move closer to him. He wraps his arm around me and rests his head right next to mine. "You are here now. That's what matters. I mean you are really staying, right? No more battles, etc"
"Yes, I am" he answers and kisses me. "However, I was meaning to ask, does she have any especial abilities because of me and you?" he wonders
"No, she is 100% a regular human. Shuri and I made sure of that. I also gave up my powers after finding out I was pregnant. I didn't want to hurt her, or watch her grow up while I stayed the same for another 100 years"
"I understand. And I'm so grateful for you".
I smile.
"Out of curiosity, would you have taken an anti-serum if there was one?" I wonder.
He takes a second to think. I don't like the look on his face though. JJ saves him with a small snore, which causes us to laugh quietly.
"I guess her day with Captain America exhausted her. She is snoring when she's very tired from the day" I say
"I wonder where she got it from..." Bucky comments looking at me
"I don't snore" I smack him
"You do snore a little bit when you are very tired. But it's cute"
"It's not. So, I'll pretend I didn't hear that"
"Do whatever makes you feel better" he replies and kisses me. "I love you"
"I love you too" I kiss him again.
YOU ARE READING
Memories || Bucky Barnes
FanfictionEmily and Bucky are getting married today. It should be the happiest day of their lives, but they can't be too happy. The newly married couple will be separated very soon, because Bucky is leaving for the war the next day. Letters keep their marria...
