911/911 Lone Star One Shots

Don't You Get It

"Oh, hey. Didn't hear you come in." Eddie spoke as he walked into the living room after making sure Chris was asleep and found Buck sitting on the couch. He looked at his friend closely, his eyes narrowing at his disheveled appearance. "You okay?"

Buck sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I had to get out of my place. I feel... bleh."

"What's 'bleh' mean? You sick?" Eddie frowned in concern, standing over him and placing the back of his hand on his forehead. "You don't feel warm."

"I don't know. My head hurts and I just, I don't know, I feel... off. Bleh." He leaned back, sinking against the couch cushions. "Not sick but not normal."

"Alright, let me ask you this." Eddie knelt in front of him, meeting Buck's eye level. "Did you drink any water today?"

"...no." He admitted softly, his eyes dropping from Eddie's gaze.

"Did you eat today?"

"...also no." He spoke quietly, knowing Eddie wouldn't like the answer.

Eddie shook his head. "You're killing me. Let's go." He stood up and pulled Buck to his feet. With a hand on Buck's bicep, he dragged him to the kitchen and pushed him into a chair at the table.

Eddie got a glass of cold water and set it in front of Buck. "Drink this. Do you want leftover pizza or leftover pasta? Or I can make you a sandwich." He gave options as he looked in the fridge.

"Um, pizza." Buck decided, swiping at the condensation on the glass Eddie had set on the table.

"Warmed up or cold?" He asked as he pulled the pizza box out.

"Warm."

"Drink that water, don't just play with the glass." Eddie reprimanded him as he put pizza onto a plate to microwave.

Buck breathed a laugh at Eddie's scolding and did as he was told. He drank the full glass and his head felt a tiny bit better.

"Here, eat." Eddie set the pizza in front of him before taking the glass and refilling it. He filled the glass up again and sat down across from Buck. "There's still more pizza if you're hungry after that."

"Thanks." Buck gave him a smile as he started to eat.

"So what were you doing that was so much more important than eating or drinking today?" Eddie inquired, studying the man closely to make sure he was okay now. He looked a little bit better compared to when he found him on the couch.

"Just... forgot. That's all." He shrugged the question off as he finished a piece of pizza.

"Why don't I believe you?" He challenged, narrowing his eyes. "Try again."

"I- it's nothing, Eddie." He looked down at the plate in front of him, suddenly not wanting to eat any more of the pizza. What was good a moment ago made him nauseated now.

"Good. If it's nothing, tell me." He watched Buck's face turn pale, looking at the the food with sudden disgust. It had him all the more worried.

Buck was silent for a minute, recalling the vivid nightmare and depressive state he had stayed in after it. Eddie waited patiently, able to see he was in his head.

Finally Buck spoke, so softly that Eddie had to strain to hear him. "I had a bad night last night and couldn't get out of bed all day. I was just stuck in my head and I- I don't know. I didn't really think about eating or anything. I only came over because it was getting unbearable and I was feeling off."

Eddie sighed softly. "I'm sorry, Buck. I wish you would've called me. I would've come over and helped you before it got unbearable."

"I didn't want to bother anyone." He spoke softly again, feeling embarrassed by his admittance.

"Don't you get it? You don't bother anyone, Evan. We all love you, okay? And when you love someone, being there for them comes with the territory. Me, Christopher, Hen, Chim, Maddie, Bobby, Athena, we all love you and need you to reach out to us when you need someone. Let us be there for you." Eddie lectured him before reaching over and pulling Buck's face up to look at him. "You aren't a burden on anyone. Let me be here for you."

Buck felt a tear on his cheek and hastily swiped it away. "Okay."

"Okay." Eddie smiled at him. "You able to eat anymore?"

Buck took a deep breath and shook his head. "I'm sorry, it just-... I lost my appetite."

"Don't apologize, it's okay." Eddie stood up and cleared his plate. "Here, you're dehydrated if you haven't drank anything until now." He pulled a Gatorade from the fridge and handed it to him.

Buck took it gratefully but set it unopened in front of him.

"Buck, it doesn't help you if you don't drink it." Eddie leaned against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. "Just a little?"

Buck sighed and opened the drink, taking a few sips that was less than what Eddie was hoping for but sufficient enough for now.

"Thank you. Do you want to talk about it?" His tone softened with the question.

Buck looked at him before turning his gaze down towards the table. "It was about you."

"What about me?" He was a little taken back by the statement, moving to sit back down across from his friend.

"When you got shot. It- the whole thing was on a loop in my head and then I kept hearing you say I'm exhausting and- and I know we've talked about it. I know you didn't mean it and we moved past it but, hearing it over and over while the whole shooting replayed in my mind just made me wish it had been me instead." He confessed shakily, too ashamed to look up at him.

Eddie felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "Oh Buck."

"And I know we've talked about all of that before, worked past it, but it still hurt and- and I don't know."

"I'm still so sorry for what I said to you in the store. You're not exhausting and-"

"We already talked about that." He cut him off, not wanting another apology.

"Yes well it still hurts you." He pointed out the obvious. "I'm sorry. I wanted to hurt because I was pissed at you, and I never should have said that. And the shooting? Buck, you are not expendable. I don't know how to get that through your head. We all love you and need you."

Buck nodded, still not looking at him. "I know."

"I wish you did." He sighed softly, reaching over and squeezing Buck's hand. He knew they could talk in circles about both issues for hours, but Buck didn't want that. "Come on, let's go watch a movie."

Buck looked up at him, surprised by the statement. "Really?" He was clearly relieved to not have to talk about it anymore.

"Really. I'll even let you choose this time." He grabbed Buck's drink and stood up, pulling his friend to his feet. "But you have to drink the rest of this before it's over."

"Okay." He smiled as they walked to the living room and collapsed onto the couch. "Can we watch Mulan?"

"Sure thing." He opened Disney Plus on the tv and turned the movie on. Within twenty minutes, Buck was asleep leaning against Eddie's side. "I wish you understood how much everyone loves and needs you. You're safe here. You never exhaust me. I love you." He whispered, running his hand through Buck's hair.

Buck nuzzled closer to the touch. "Love you too." He mumbled sleepily.