Come back, so I can tell you. (a joongdok fic)

Come back, so I can tell you.

No matter how long he looked or searched, he would never find what he was looking for.

That guy is never coming back.

This was a truth that was hammered into Yoo Joonghyuk's skull each and every day, waking up with the knowledge that he wouldn't be coming face to face with the man he knew. And this was especially hammered in by those words he heard on that fateful day.

「The 'Kim Dokja' you know has scattered to the rest of the universe already.」

Yoo Joonghyuk tightened his jaw harshly, and in a second, a soul-shattering throb was felt in his chest. It was so overwhelming that he helplessly fell onto a nearby sofa and clutched onto the armrest, veins popping out of his hands. He tightly shut his eyes, squeezing them as if...

...that when he'd open them, there would be a reason for him not to feel this way anymore.

However, when he opened them, it only became more real.

That guy wasn't coming back.

He would never come back, because he was no longer a single entity. And therefore, the entirety of Kim Dokja would never return. Yoo Joonghyuk would never see that stupid smile of his again, or hear the way the tone of his voice would become so unimaginably arrogant at beings that could crush him like a bug within seconds. The snarky jokes that annoyed Yoo Joonghyuk to no end, the provocations he'd receive nearly every time they met, the migraines he experienced whenever he witnessed Kim Dokja doing something reckless again, and the sly grin that'd stretch across Kim Dokja's face as he utilized his con-man abilities.

All of that was home to one Kim Dokja and to one Kim Dokja only.

And that Kim Dokja was gone.

And the reality of it drowned him like a raging tsunami.

In an instant, deep and boundless regret inhabited every inch of his being. It was a regret so suffocating that he could hardly breathe. He clutched at his chest, intending to rip his own heart out to get rid of this horrible, fucking feeling--

But he couldn't. Because that would mean losing one of the only two things he had of Kim Dokja. And losing just one was something he couldn't allow, at all costs.

As for the other thing...

With black empty eyes, Yoo Joonghyuk looked up. In front of him was a bland, metal door that led to his room. He often stayed in there for hours each day, gaming his life away as it was the only thing he could do to numb the eternal ache within him. Though he mostly spent his time in that place, in all actuality, he hated his room. He'd try his best to keep it clean and tidy, but as time continued on, and the presence of Kim Dokja faded more and more, he couldn't prevent the garbage that littered his floor and desk.

Yoo Mia would sometimes scold him for being so disorganized and living in such filth, but after having a conversation with Shin Yoosung a year ago, she later stopped doing that. Instead, she'd try to clean his room weekly for him, possibly having figured out the root cause of his decline in maintaining his room. Similar to her older brother, she wasn't the type to have a heart-to-heart conversation. However, Yoo Joonghyuk saw through her actions that she must've been sympathizing with the loss that he refused to talk about.

At the thought of that, Yoo Joonghyuk was silently grateful for his beloved younger sister.

He walked up to the door to his room, stared at the doorknob for a while, and opened it. A vast open space welcomed him, the sunlight peering through his yellow curtains and illuminating a faint golden hue in the air. To his right was his large desk that occupied his expensive computer, the screen still on. It displayed the front webpage of the game he was playing an hour ago, waiting to be played again. His black-and-white headphones sat atop the computer, hanging off at the corner.