Death or Paradise: Behind the Scenes

i drowned all those feelings in the flood

New York - 1969

The tv was humming in front of you. The humans had made it to the moon. You were ecstatic for them, and yet the fear had taken hold. The further they advanced, the closer to the end they came. Through the decades following WWII, the world had advanced faster than you'd thought possible. And now, they had made it to the stars. One step closer to annihilation.

You poured yourself another glass of scotch. It didn't do anything for you, your Eternal DNA burning off the alcohol as you drank it. But you liked the taste, and the memories that came with it. Memories of a soldier and his friends changing the world. Memories of a time before you knew the truth, when you were naive and still full of hope. Those days were long gone now. Now, you knew better.

You looked to your side, to the cupboard that held your suit. You stood up and walked over to it, opening the drawer slowly. The purple and black fabric sat folded there, mocking you. Your fingers touched it gently. So many lies for so many centuries. You had endured it all in this suit. You thought about burning it, letting go of the last remnant of your past. You had thought about it so many times. But even now, even as you drowned in your despair, you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

You had lived a life in this suit, a life full of not just lies but love and family and happiness. It had to mean something, everything you'd done, everything you'd seen. Your whole life couldn't have been a lie, you reasoned. You had protected the humans in this suit.

But in the end, the truth was it meant nothing. Because they were the lamb you had led to the slaughter. You had done nothing for them but watch and help their advancement towards their doom.

Ajak had told you once, long ago in Babylon when she had asked you to spy on Ikaris, that one day you would learn that some things were more important than your own happiness or peace. You had thought at the time that she meant your happiness with Druig. But now you realized she had meant this. She had meant the Emergence and what she knew it would do to you. She had meant you would have to sacrifice your peace of mind for the greater good.

You weren't sacrificing your happiness or peace for the greater good though. It wasn't for Arishem or the grand plan of the Celestials or even for Ajak. You had wondered many times if you should tell someone. Steve was gone, and Bucky too, but maybe Peggy and Howard and their new S.H.I.E.L.D. Maybe they could help you stop it. But then, how could you tell someone their world was ending? Especially when you didn't know when it would come. Better they live their lives however long it may be with the peace of mind, with the hope for a better future. This was your burden to bear, the horror of the truth of what was to come.

You couldn't talk to your fellow Eternals about it. The others had betrayed you. Thena and Druig and Gilgamesh and all the others. They had betrayed you when they agreed with Arishem's plan. You would never have believed it if you hadn't seen it in Ikaris's thoughts. You knew he hadn't told Sersei, because Sersei loved the humans as much as you did. She would never have stood for it. You wondered if you should tell her. Maybe you could figure out a way to stop it. But something always stopped you. Maybe it was because you had felt love like Sersei and Ikaris had. You had felt it with Druig, you still felt it. He still held your heart all these centuries later. Despite his betrayal. And you couldn't let Sersei feel the pain you felt in your heart. It was too much to bear, and you wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even Ikaris, and least of all someone you had once considered family. No, this too was your burden to bear.

You sighed and closed the cupboard, hiding away the suit and your past once again.

——

New York - 1974

"Thank you for coming," Howard said as Jarvis led you into the living room where he sat with Peggy.

"Why did I come exactly?" you sat across from them. "And why are we meeting here and not at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters? That's still at the base in Jersey, isn't it?"