Shades of Kagan

Chapter 33

"Just continue." I noticed how Klaude's Adam's apple moves.

"I live a privileged and comfortable life, Avi. Whenever I looked at Kagan, he seemed like the opposite of me. If I lived a good life with our parents, how about him? In those seventeen years, where is he? What life did he live by those gaps?" Tinuro niya ang kanyang dibdib kung nasaan nakalagay ang kanyang puso. I couldn't bring myself to say that Kagan hinted that he was living in hell. Klaude might not even know that Kagan tried taking his life away.

"And what if I was in his shoe? With this weak heart of mine, I guess I couldn't even survive a day." Ramdam ko ang lungkot sa boses ni Klaude. He was even near to tears. Ako naman ang napahinga nang malalim dahil unti-unti ay naiintindihan ko na kung saan siya nangagaling. Klaude might looked easy going and the one who always smiles to brighten the day, but he is carrying a big load of shits that he, himself can't even handle on his own.

"Reus theorized that Kagan got his disorders when he was growing up because that is how his body adapts to the environment he was living in. Avi, you are the only one who can—" he then clasped both of my hands, gripping them tightly.

"Who can what Klaude?" Ramdam ko ang kaba sa aking dibdib ng sinimulan niya ito.

"Why do I get this feeling that whenever we talk about Kagan, you think that I have a role or something in this?" I pointed at myself.

"Because you are, Avi." He pointed at me, too.

"I don't think I understand." I frowned, giving him a confused look. Another sigh came from Klaude like he was about to drop a nuclear bomb on me.

"There is this—," hindi na naituloy ni Klaude ang sasabihin niya nang biglang bumukas ang pinto ng SUV. Napatingin kami ni Klaude kung saan nag slide ang pinto.

"Oh! You talking about something? Nagulat ko ba kayo? Chill out, guys. You looked like you've seen a ghost." Pru said as she entered, sitting in the empty seat in front of me. Nakita ko kung paano siya tumingin kay Klaude bago itinuon ang pansin sa unahan. Pru got it bad, huh? But she knows who she really like, that what made me admire Pru. Hindi siya nalilito sa dalawang Grimaldi.

"Ghosts aren't real, though." Dan's turn to speak, who just got inside the driver's seat. Nakapasok na rin pala sa passenger seat si Nadia. The only one still standing outside is Kagan, who's glaring at Klaude, sitting beside me. Even Klaude noticed it.

"I think he wants to sit beside you." He whispered. Klaude moved a little, but I am tempted to grab his shirt.

"How did you know?" I ask. Kung balak niya kaming pagtabihin na dalawa ay wag na sana niyang subukan. My heart couldn't stay still whenever we're near each other. At isa, para lang nadagdag sa isipin ko ang sinabi ni Klaude sa akin kanina. I think I'm started to get curious where Kagan came from, too. I blame Klaude for this. But if someone wanted to know my past, then I wouldn't like it. I guess Kagan wouldn't like it too.

"Just think about it as twin's instinct." He smiled at me, moving his seat besides Pru. Kung nakikita ko lang ang mukha ni Pru ay sigurong namumula na ang pisngi nito. When there's an empty spot besides me, Kagan finally hopped inside.

"Are we good? Sigurado ba kayong wala na tayong nakakalimutan?" Dan asked, looking at our place

"All good, babe," Nadia answered.

"Then let's hit the road." Dan started the ignition and maneuvered the car.

"Are you feeling all right, Kagan?" Tell me this is my instinct kicking in or me being a reliever in the hospital. I just touched Kagan's forehead using my palm.

"Fine. You can feel it." He muttered. Mabilis kong tinanggal ang kamay ko sa kanyang noo at nilagay ito sa aking lap. I started scrunching my jeans nervously.