A Shot in the Dark (Thilbo - Bagginshield)

Chapter 2

"You're welcome," he returned automatically. He looked past the king at the other Dwarves - some of whom were looking at him with dropped jaws - and towards the dining room. "There should be some food left if you are hungry. I'm sure the others would happily show it to you."

"Aye, Thorin, there's a lot of food still. Come this way," bid Balin, gesturing for him to follow.

Thorin turned in a whirl of fur and followed the other Dwarf with the others trailing them. Bilbo could not watch them go and turned on his heel and marched back to his room with a muttered excuse to the others. He did not stop until he was in his bedroom with the door locked tight. Once there, he covered his mouth and began to sob.

Oh, to look upon the face of the one he adored most in the world - Bilbo felt like someone had just reached into his chest, wrapped a hand around his heart, and squeezed. Could a broken heart break again? He was beginning to think it was quite possible.

In all his fantasies where Thorin was alive again, he was always happy, relieved, and overcome with bliss. There were never any suppressed memories or quiet sobs, only smiles, laughs, and promises never to leave again.

But then, that was the difference between reality and fantasies. Bilbo's fantasies only somewhat lived up to his reality.

How can I survive another journey with him if I can't even face him without crying? He wondered, wiping his eyes clear with one hand. When he made his plan, he had done so with the confidence that he could endure meeting his deceased companions again. He had foolishly overestimated his strength.

A light knock on his door had him springing to his feet.

"Bilbo? Are you quite alright in there?" asked Gandalf from beyond the door.

"Ah, yes, I'm fine," the Hobbit replied, quickly scrubbing his face clear of tears. "Is there something you need, Master Gandalf?"

"We are going to go over the details of our expected journey. I thought you might like to hear them," Gandalf replied slowly.

Bilbo quietly cursed the considerate wizard in his head. He was hardly presentable or stable enough to look upon Thorin and the rest so soon. But staying locked up in his room would only invite suspicion. So with a heavy heart, he made himself as composed as possible and unlocked the door.

Gandalf stared down at him, his gray eyes gleaming beneath his heavy brows. "My dear Hobbit, are you quite sure you are well? You seem - distraught."

Distraught? No, I am not distraught—just an old fool with too many regrets and a stubborn heart that refuses to heal.

But Bilbo did not voice those thoughts. Instead, he gave his old friend a strained smile that felt false even to him. "I am fine, Master Gandalf, quite fine. Now, why don't we rejoin the others? You said we have much to discuss, yes?"

Gandalf did not look convinced but did not push him. Yet.

"Indeed, Master Baggins, indeed. We have much to discuss," the wizard agreed, turning and leading him back to the Dwarves.

That, my old friend, is more accurate than you know, the Hobbit thought as he followed the wizard back to the source of his greatest joy and heartache.

~*~

Bilbo did not pay much attention as the Dwarves and the Wizard gathered around the ancient map and reviewed their mission. Instead, he subtly studied the others and tried not to stare too obviously at Thorin. It was admittedly very hard.

-"You have proven yourself a loyal friend to me time and time again. For that, you have my eternal gratitude," Thorin swore, clasping him on the shoulder. His hand is extensive and covers most of his shoulder, and he can feel the warmth of the Dwarf through his thin clothing-