Anxiety Attack

Chapter 49

It seemed like he knew what I was thinking, because he kissed me harder than he had ever, his hands going around my back to rest between my shoulder blades and he now moved more rapidly to the other side of my neck and he sucked and kissed until I felt my legs go weak.

Eli felt my body sink down further into the bed and he stayed on that spot and sucked and a loud moan came out of my mouth.

"Oh God," he groaned. "Shit, Fin, I love you."

I was about to reply when he made another moan come out of my mouth and suddenly his hand was on my thigh and heat rushed to that spot. My hands went from his hair to fumble with my jeans and Eli pulled back to watch me.

I felt awkward as I tried to get my jeans of smoothly, because they were a bit tight but Eli's expression never changed and I was in just my bra and panties, which didn't even match.

Oh God. I felt my cheeks heat up and embarrassment washed over me and I sat up.

Eli looked at me, brow furrowing. "Babe, what's wrong?" He asked, coming closer and pulling me into his chest so my legs were around his waist and his arms were around my back and my head was against his chest.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling close to tears because goddammit I couldn't do this and I could feel an anxiety attack coming on.

"No, baby, sh, its okay," Eli's deep voice soothed me as I buried my face in his chest, which was radiating warmth. "It's okay."

"B-But I told you to do it," I cried. "And I said yes and now I feel bad for dropping out!"

I was now almost hypervenilating, the nerves and the stress getting to me. I was crying in earnest now and Eli simply moved me, shifting me so I was sitting between his legs and he was resting against the headboard. His arms were wrapped loosely around my waist and his chin was resting on my shoulder. His body was inredibly warm and radiating heat which made me feel slightly better.

I gasped, trying to inhale. You know the feeling when you're laughing so hard that you can't breathe but you try to and it just doesn't work? That's what it felt like, trying to breathe.

My lungs felt like they were burning and Eli's grip tightened around my waist protectively as he leaned forward and kissed my cheek. He let his lips linger there and surprisingly that was the thing that calmed me down.

I took several deep breaths and Eli pecked my cheek.

"You okay?" He whispered.

I nodded. "M'fine. Sorry that I stopped."

Eli pecked my other cheek. "No, its fine. I told you you could tell me to stop whenever and I did. Now you can trust me."

"I do trust you," I murmured.

Eli rested his head on my shoulder. "Good to know."

We were silent for a couple moments until we heard a scratching at the door and Ace's whine.

Eli laughed and it felt like his chin was vibrating on my shoulder. His laugh was contagious so I started laughing even if I had no idea what was so funny.

"What's-so-funny?" I asked, gasping because I was laughing so hard.

"What if he came in when we were doing it?" He asked, laughing almost hysterically now.

I laughed harder. "Oh my God."

We were laughing and we fell over, Eli still holding into my waist.

It must have been a ridiculous sight; two teenagers, one boy in plain black boxers with a tattoo and a lip ring and one girl in a purple bra and panda underwear laughing their heads off.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

...

Later, when I was half-asleep and Eli was lazily drawing circles on my bare stomach(we hadn't put our clothes back on; we were cuddling in our underwear) when a question came to mind.

"When did you first realize you loved me?" I asked.

Eli paused, his fingertips still resting on my stomach. "Well, I had a crush on you for the longest time, but I think it was when you stopped stuttering around me, which meant that you were comfortable around me and that you trusted me."

I nodded and Eli resumed his doodling on my stomach when he asked, "When did you know you loved me?"

I stopped to think." It was when you took off your shirt, and I saw your tattoo, and you explained what it meant and how it was to love unconditionally even if you yourself have never been loved, and I thought that was beautiful," I paused. "You were beautiful. And I just thought to myself, I love him."

Eli had no response then he said. "I love you."

"I love you too."

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Muahahahahahahahaha

Love ya!

-T A Y L O R