Later that night I dreamt of mama again. I actually looked forward to hearing her voice everytime I laid down. She walked in the room when me and Chresanto where asleep.
"Leona" she whispered. But I didn't respond."it's me , mama" she introduced. I sat up a little rubbing my eyes. I jumped out of the bed and hugged her. "Now I waited for you to pray lastnight but you didn't. Why is that?" Mama asked disappointed. "I dont know. I'm sorry mama" I plead. "Sorry ain't gonna cut it darling. " she crossed her arms and I sighed."ask your sister for the address to my grave and come talk to me" she instructed and I nodded."yes mama" I kissed her cheek. "Mhm , now who is this young man?" She asked. "His name is Chresanto " I smiled. "You like him? "
I hesitated because. I never really had a chance to explain my feelings for a guy to my mother because in reality she's gone but my imagination took me to her. " yes mama. He treats me like I matter"
"Well that must be my new son." She chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. I heard the thunder once again and that was mama's que that god was calling her. "Well it's about that time." She nodded and kissed my forehead. "Okay mama" I nod. "Don't forget to go to my grave and talk to me tomarrow alrighty? " she asked. "Alright mama" I smirked and hugged her. "I'll be waiting Leona " I smiled and watched her walk out when I was awaken by Chresanto's alarm clock for school. "Baby girl you up?" He asked. I smirked at the fact he called me "baby girl" and he smiled. "yeah" I said going in for a morning stretch. I got up and showered followed by putting on y extra change of clothes in my back pack. Roc also showered of course and we both headed out. I wore a white tank top with light blue Jeans with ripps in them with my regular all star sneakers and Chresanto wore white Jeans with a slim,semi- fitted black t-shirt and black vans low top sneakers. We walked to school together holding hands when tons of people crowded us. "hey Leo!" One girl smiled weird. "Hi?" I said as if I was confused. "Your beautiful " another boy smiled at me and I held Chresanto's hand a little tighter, i knew Something wasn't right. I walked in the cafe for a Gatorade and a poptart while roc waited in the hall,When i approached James and Kat were just laughing at me and so was everyone else in the cafe. "Hey Leona, I didn't know you get down like that!" Gina laughed and I rubbed my chin. "Like what?" I asked in curiosity. " like this" she replied putting a picture in my face of a strippers bare naked body and my face edited on top of it. I looked behind Gina and saw James just loosing it with laughter and I looked all around the room and all the kids where just laughing. I saw the pictures posted on the walls and lockers with my name written all over it. "Pay back is something isn't it? " he asked and chuckled. "You're pathetic " u shook my head and ran out ambit bumped into Chresanto. "you okay Leo? What happened? " he asked pushing me back from walking past him. I shook my head and just tried to keep walking. "No no no. " he stopped me and pulled me back into the cafe with all the kids and all the pictures when he snatched one off the wall and saw what James did. Chresanto looked at me and clinched his jaws together as if he was mad. He turned away from me and power walked to James without any words and literally punched him in the mouth without warning. I watched James as he fell to the floor dramatically and blood rushed from bottom lip and he looked shocked at chresanto and then me. Chresanto walked back over to me and held me in his arms. " go home.. don't come back to school today. "He said. "But Joseph will kill me if I do--" I began and he cut me off. "Listen to me, leave now and you can stay with me again tonight. " Chresanto said and kissed me. I looked up at him and nodded. " okay." I grabbed my back pack and went to the nearest bus station. I knew where I really wanted to go. I wanted to go see mama at her grave. I put a quarter in the pay phone and called Allen. "Hello? " she answered. "Allen..can you tell me where mama's grave is?" I asked. She didn't respond at first, instead I heard a chuckle. "You think mama really wanna see you?" she asked. "Huh?" She scoffed "mama wouldn't want the devil child at her grave" she argued. "What? I'm not a devil child!" "You killed her when you where born so your pretty darn close. "
I paused In disbelief. Is this true? "Mama loved me!" I yelled getting angry. "Save it Leona,mama didn't give a damn about you! " She yelled and I heard her sniff. She's been a complete coke head for as long as I could remember. I ended with hanging up the phone on her and just sat against the wall for the next bus to come and I plugged in my head phones and turned up my music. Changes by 2pac was something that really spoke to me." I see no changes , I wake up in the morning and I ask myself. Is life worth living? Should I blast myself ?" I rapped just bobbing my head to the music But that quote carried meaning. Is life really worth living? Sometimes I wondered if I fell way in too deep and can't be saved whatsoever. I feel Like I could just die at any waking moment. I ended up catching a city bus to a graveyard that was familiar. I knew mama was buried at central graveyard but I didn't know the exact location. I hopped off the bus and walked right on in just looking for my mother's grave. "Christina adrian marie" I said to myself just searching. The graves where actually in alphabetical order by first name. So I just went to the C's. Low and behold there she was, Just waiting on me like she promised. Her picture was imprinted on her grave and I smiled. "Hey mama, its me" I sat on the grave just talking to her picture. " I just wanted to stop by like I promised. " I continue. "Allen said you didn't care for me but I wouldnt believe anything she said because I know it isn't true right?" I asked. I laid on her grave and felt closer then ever. (Click that YouTube link to your right) "Everyone thinks I'm dumb and that you don't love me and that I don't know what I'm talking about but mama... they don't know I talk to you every night in my dreams. " I smirked with a tear swelling. " you don't know how much I want to be with you right now but I'm hanging in there." I smiled. "maybe if I were with you or you were here with me then I would cry less but god said different right?" I sighed and sniffed. " I just miss you mama" I said wiping my tears and I heard footsteps behind me. It was Allen. I looked up and stood on my feet. "I knew you'd find your way here. "She said. I looked at mama's grave and back at Allen. "Mama did love you" she said choked up. "Then why did you lie?" I asked. "Because she--" Allen started getting choked up just looking at mama's grave."she was so excited about you that I felt as if she forgot about her first born. Me." She said. I sighed."I think she loved us both." I nodded wiping my tears. "She did." Allen agreed. "Im sorry" she said and her tears started to dwell all over again. "Its okay " I leaned over to her and hugged her tight with love and security. I know mama would be proud of her 2 daughters right now. I just feel her spirit shining down on us.
