Put That Kid Down

Chapter Sixteen

"...Spray paint or clay, and some goggles so we're not just spraying him in the eyes," Max poked Berstuk's sleeve, which was similarly unyielding, "Oh, yeah, this'll work."

"Disguising him as a statue!" Neil realized, and shared a finger guns moment of triumph with Max. Of course, the anxiety kicked in a moment later, "Wait, what about the long term effects of this? The skin can absorb all kinds of toxins, you know. We could slowly kill him if we just kept reapplying spray paint as it wore away."

"I think not being able to eat will kill him first," Nikki noted, having at some point scaled Berstuk to hang from his partially extended arm. Well, that was entirely true. David wasn't sure how they would even tell that Berstuk had passed, however. There was no visible breathing or movement to speak of. In fact... He detached Nikki from the arm and set her on the ground, putting his fingers to the wrist, then to Berstuk's neck... Nothing. No pulse.

"He's basically dead already," he summarized thoughtlessly. When the horrified expressions amongst the children and Max's cutting gesture across his throat registered, David backtracked, "I mean, he's not going to die any time soon. And it's sure not because he's dead!" There was a smack as Max's face fell into his hands. "Nope, our buddy Berstuk here is good and alive! I think he blinked at me!"

"Oh god, he's awake in there?" Neil sounded more aghast than before and David wondered when his backtracking would take him full circle.

"Oh, no, I was wrong, whew! Just a trick of the light, folks. He's probably in... um... sssssuspended animation!" Warming to the idea, he continued, "Yeah, just like frogs hibernating at the bottom of a pond during the winter! Like death but really, really not! Fully alive but unconscious! Which is why I originally said what- um, what I said!"

"He's hibernating? Did he prepare enough? Is he fat enough?" Nikki clawed up David's front and grabbed his face, demanding in a near shout, "Is he fat enough, David? "

"He's fat! Real fat! More than fat enough!" David assured her hastily, pulling her off him by the back of her overalls and setting her by Neil. Before she could assault anyone else, he took their hands and clasped them together, suggesting to Nikki with only an edge of desperation, "Doesn't Neil look pale? I think he needs friendship, immediately!"
"I don't know, he's always kind of pale," Nikki denied, shooting Neil an assessing look as the young genius' own protests fell on deaf ears, "Clammy, too."

David suppressed the urge to cry. Okay, he might not be as stable as he should be but he had had a bad surprise today, alright? "Gwen, take them to the dining hall." Belatedly, David added, "Please. All of them."

"Yeah, I'm down to get out of this nightmare," she waved at Berstuk as if it weren't obvious what she meant and clapped her hands together, "Who wants to raid David's weird butterscotch stash?"

" Gwen - you know what? Fine, okay, go ahead, please go," David made shooing gestures at her that she took in good grace only because she knew these kids would destroy even the grossest of candies for the buzz of a sugarhigh. Especially after weeks of camp fare. She kept this thought in mind as she herded the children away, barring, of course, Max, who had already separated himself from the rest to linger just behind David. Was it worth the pain to drag him along?

Nope. Not today.

"I will leave you our resident pain in the ass," she saluted David as she left, because even if he had a creepy secret with Max that may or may not involve broken rules (just silly rules, she hoped against her better judgement), he was still sacrificing himself to the weirdness vortex of Camp Campbell by staying. Probably.

Poor, unwitting David.

...Unless, of course, he was involved with the vortex already.

Damn, she had so much she had to repress tonight.