The wrong love

Part One

Early in the morning, there was a loud crash. I ran to see what it was but to my surprise I couldn't see anything. Only darkness around. I looked everywhere, but nothing. I stayed up to see if I would hear the noise again. I ended up passing out within a few hours of being tried. When I woke nothing was wrong. Nothing was broken or missing. I couldn't help but think about what it could have been. Was it just my imagination? Was it something or someone?

Something just didn't feel right about it. I don't have anyone in my life anymore. I pushed everyone away. It was for the best. If not they could have been hurt. That's not the important part. No one knows who I am. The real me and I'm afraid that once people know the truth I'll be next. I just want a normal life but I know it won't happen.

Why can't I just let one person in? I don't want to be alone in life without anyone. There was one person but I let him go. I couldn't let him in. I don't know why? Did I not trust him? Or am I getting in my own way? There must be someone out there that would understand right? How do you tell someone the secret I've been keeping? If only I knew him before everything happened. Now he isn't alive and I must live on for him but how? He is my secret. I fell in love with him but he didn't fall for me. He was in love with someone else. Or maybe he wasn't and I was too shy to say anything to him. Maybe he didn't know I liked him at all. So many possibilities.

Now that he is gone I don't know if I could say his name. Everyone would judge me. Even worse with what I did. I did something stupid to prove my love to him and he didn't notice me at all. Why couldn't he just say one word to me? I know everything about him. What do I do? Who would love me with my past? Would you love someone who was in love and that love died? How do you know what kind of damage that does? Or how much damage does it cause? What kind of person am I now without him? No one knows what kind of person he is. Could I be just like him? I could have changed who I am due to his death.