Writer in the Dark - J. HALE

85- ᴀɴ ᴇxᴛʀᴀ

"General. 109."

The second his cracked words came through Athena's phone, she disappeared and left the front door hanging open in her tread. By the time Jasper had sprant up the stairs and managed to get dressed, she was already at the doors to the hospital. She had never ran so fast and without care for mortal sightings in her entire life. She walked into the dank hospital room and slowly made her way to the bed in the middle of the room. They had not yet covered the body with a sheet, per Jake's request, as he knew she would want to see him first. Jake left the room the second Athena entered, needing a moment to himself. She simply stared.

Slowly she managed to gain function of her fingertips again and she reached forward, gently and hesitatingly touching the surface of his upturned palm. She felt the usual grooves and indentation marks of a good life but shuddered physically, almost snapping back into her own body at how cold he was. His skin, usually a fiery inferno that brought her great comfort in their younger years, was now as cold as hers. She searched and searched and searched until her mind physically gave out for any remnant of his consciousness but found nothing. Nothing but for scatters in the wind that she couldn't grasp. Mutters and repetitive No's tumbled from her lips, she did not know when they had begun nor knew how to stop them.

She simply just stared at the lifeless form in front of her for what felt like decades. He no longer smelt the same either. And when that smell became just too much for her, too painful, she turned and headed for the window. Wordlessly, she opened the glass and let the pieces of his soul fly out into the wind as he would have wanted. Then she left the room abruptly, not even noticing the sobbing Jake sat on the hospital floor instead of one of the many chairs. She needed privacy, she needed to delve into her mind and stop the pain.

So she headed to Carlisle's office, walking quickly but not so that it alerted any of the mortals to her presence. To them she was just another lost face in the wind.

By the time Jasper arrived, he found her pacing in Carlies office and shut the door quickly so he could rush to her aid. "Athena darlin'," he whispered, southern drawl thick due to the panic that he was trying to hide from her. Jasper couldn't feel anything that she did, he couldn't do anything to change the emotions that she definitely did feel because somehow her blocks against his - and anyone else's gift- had flown up once again.

"I can't-" she stammered, pacing beginning to quicken to a rather inhuman rate. "I can't process this I..." she stopped, staring at a family picture on the wall of Carlisle's office. It was from their wedding, the photo that Jasper had enthused that they all took despite Edwards natural hatred for photographs. She sighed deeply and Jasper could just about begin to feel the edges of her emotions, and even then they fought so brutally that he knew nothing could be done. Except the one thing she had flown to instantly, he could just see it in her eyes. "I can't deal with it."

"No Athena," he whispered, reaching out for her arms to hold her close in the hopes it would prevent it all from happening. He wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. He didn't want to lose her because she forced herself to forget about Billy to deal with her grief, to him and any other rational mind it simply was not an option.

"I have to, Jasper. I can't think, I can't cry to relieve the pressure that is causing the jagged knife to twist in my chest. I want nothing more than to wail and scream and for you to be able to comfort those tears away. But I cannot. And you cannot. So I have to just stop the emotions. I can't handle them all, they're too potent and are screaming in my head," she ended in a whisper, clutching at her chest as the desperation for the emotions to leave completely shook through every thought in her mind apart from the ones that caused such pain in the first place. "It hurts Jazz. It hurts so bad.... I need it to stop, I can make it stop...Please make it stop, please."

"I know, I know," he whispered as he pulled her into his arms, enveloping her silent and shaking form in comfort that just did not do a thing like it unusually would. "It's going to hurt but you can't turn your mind off. You said yourself that it does more harm than good. He would not want you to shut it off, he told you word for word not to do so and made me promise that I wouldn't let you. Let me in and I'll help you darlin' I promise... I'll take away the pain just a little I promise."

"I can't-" she replied, voice muffled against his chest. "The thoughts are too loud."

"Athena-"

"I have to, I have to, I have to. Please don't hate me," she whispered as she looked up at him, eyes filled with venomous tears. He watched in horror as she slowly closed her eyes, beginning to delve into her own synapses for once. There was nothing he could do but watch.

Alice however had a completely different idea and ran into the room, Luna behind her, as she warned,. "Athena don't."

Athena's voice no longer shook and her reply came quietly as she still worked on her mind, eyes remaining closed. "I need to, Alice."

"It doesn't end well, trust me!"

"Ena open your eyes, please..."

Slowly, just as she reached the first synapse she could find that contained an image of Billy - the one from where they met for the first time, Athena pulled herself out of her mind. She only did so because the intrigue of the situation got the better of her, she wanted to know what Alice had seen and to truly find out if she would actually get through this pain if she forgot it all. Despite how much it all hurt, she did not want to lose her entire self to it. "Show me," she whispered as her eyes fluttered open, pulling away from Jasper's embrace so she could turn to Alice.

Both Alice and Luna shook their heads but Alice was the one that spoke, "Athena-"

"Alice show me or I swear to Lucifer I won't hesitate."

Alice nodded and Athena made her way into her mind, sighing softly as the first image projected into her mind. She felt the relief of becoming completely emotionless and forgetting all about Billy and watched as she just went about life for a couple days. It seemed to be fine, then she started to get hungry. Without the memory of her promise to Billy or the years he helped her change to only drinking animal blood, she started to drink from mortals again. She went on an absolute spree, killing and sucking mortals dry left and right. She had broken her personality. She hated books and plants and destroyed them all, her house being cast in a darkness because of it. But worst of all was what happened to Jasper. He, being the incredible person that he was, stuck by her and tried to help the best he could. She watched in horror as her vision self argued with him and shoved him out of the way so powerfully that he ended up falling down the cliff where the rope swing lay. She flooded back out of Alice's brain just as the image of Jasper's mangled corpse flooded into her mind.

Alice's voice echoed in her mind and she came back into reality, blinking unnecessarily. "You can't shut it off. You can't force yourself to forget him."

Athena, pinching the skin of her hand despite the fact that it would do no damage, looked to Alice. Her gaze fluttered from her concerned glance to Lu's frightful one then she slowly turned back to Jasper. Her broken and grief stricken heart shattered at the look in his eyes, one of pain and pure anguish.

"I don't think I can exist like this," she whispered, voice horace. Athena sank into Jasper again, the two of them moving to sit on the floor in a tangle of limbs. Athena, broken and completely lifeless, clung to him desperately.

"I've got you and I'll help you in all the ways that I can, " he whispered, cradling her head with his hand as sobs without tears wracked her body. "Forever."

And he did. Even when Athena did not speak for years, he had her. For eternity.