Somnia | $crim

20. Oneironautics

June 2nd, 2023

It's almost 2:00am and I knew you were due to arrive back to your hotel at any minute. I had spent all night debating whether or not I should go. On one hand, meeting you doesn't imply we're getting back together. On the other hand, meeting you could imply we're getting back together. Before I knew it, I was in an Uber, on my way to the hotel and ready for any result. 

"Hi," I said to the hotel clerk, "I had a key left here for me."

"Sure!" she chirped. "What's the name?"

"Adrienne Veilleux."

She handed me a keycard and I quickly left for the elevator. You're staying all the way to the top, overlooking the city. The room was nothing like I had ever seen before, beyond magazines and social media. A suitcase and duffel bag sat on the sofa, but nothing else showed that you had been in here.

Reminiscent of that September day, I sat on the bed and waited for you. It didn't take you long to return to the room, sweaty from the concert. 

"Adrienne," you sighed in relief once you saw me, "you came!"

You sat down on the sofa next to the bed as you struggled to catch your breath. I moved to sit next to you, wanting to close the distance just a little bit. You didn't say anything, just looked at me and simpered. As I stared into your blue eyes, I felt the same wave of emotions plague me. There, it finally came out and I started weeping, just a bit. I couldn't help it anymore. You wrapped your arms around me, pulling me in tight so I could feel your heartbeat against me. I could smell your cologne. The same one you always wear. The scent brought me back to the bathroom all those years ago, the blood running down my face and onto the tile. Then, to your driveway, as I yelled at you after you relapsed.

"Why did you invite me here?" I asked once I recomposed. 

"A couple reasons," you began. "I want to let you know I've been sober for four years, just to start the conversation. Second, I'm working my steps and you're the one person I never made amends to. So, firstly, I want to apologize for what I put you through. I know that it hurt you, and the kids, by not being honest with you and sneaking around. I can't change it, but I'm working on myself to better every day. I understand if you can't forgive me; it's pretty obvious who I am in your movie and how it affected you. If there's anything I can do to even it out, I'll do it."

"Why did it take you so long?" I asked, tears rolling down my face. I had a thousand questions and comments and thoughts running through my mind, but the only one I could get out is why did you wait eight years to apologize.

"It's not that I didn't think you deserve an apology, but I thought it would do more harm to reach out after all this time. Aris said he heard that you'd moved on and I didn't want to open up old wounds for you. I've wanted to say something for a while, even after everything happened, but I couldn't. In 2015, I told myself it was to protect you but it was me. I couldn't deal if you rejected me again. And, when I saw you at the airport and you didn't smite me right there, I figured this would be a good time to sort things out."

We didn't say anything for a while, mostly because my breath would get caught in my throat whenever I tried. I write scripts for a living, planning out what other people say to each other but I couldn't find the words to say to you.

"I thought you just wanted to forget it all," you finally said. "I didn't know you still felt anything for me after that."

"I wanted you to get it together for me and come back. You came to Michigan with me, you helped Nico with his homework, you heard Troy's first words; those kids looked up to you." 

"That's the problem, Adrienne. I spent years trying to get sober, for my mom, for my brothers, for the music, for Aris, for you, and each time, I failed. In 2019, I did it for me. I can't do it for other people because hell is other people. I can't put my life in someone else's expectations of me." I was finally content with an answer, even if I still didn't understand. After a moment, you changed the subject. "How are the kids? Did Sadie become an astronaut like she wanted?"

"They're not kids anymore," I replied, wiping a lone tear from my cheek. "Nico is a lawyer now. He works with one of the non-profits in New Orleans. Madi is a social worker at that homeless shelter on Liberty street. Sadie (she prefers Alexandra now) is in med school at the University of Michigan. She scrapped the astronaut idea when she got sick on a roller coaster. Troy is in middle school and has made honor roll each semester so far."

"What about you? Did your days ever get warmer?" he said, recalling how I described my depression.

My days never got warmer, I just learned to build a fire and adapt with it. Grief is something that never goes away, but it grows with a person and not always in a bad way. Eventually, I found a therapist that I connected with more who helped through a lot of the depression I struggle with.

My hair now flowed down my back in a cascade, showing how far I've come.

"Did you ever move back to Michigan, like your grandma wanted?"

"Yeah, but I came back. After Madi graduated, Sadie was okay with it. She finished out high school up there but Troy and I moved back because of some issues with the house and the property."

"Did you think about me when you passed that spot?" You smirked, but you were right. Sometimes, when I wasn't in a good mood, I would have to take the long way just to avoid it. I did the same in New Orleans whenever I drove near spots that reminded me of you. For a week after the breakup, I wouldn't even sleep in my own bed because your memory left an outline in the mattress I couldn't undo. The only thing that helped was getting new sheets.

"Can we just pick up where we left off?" I offered, unable to resist your pull anymore. You smiled and agreed as you reached for my hand. I held on tight as you leaned closer. 

"Where exactly did we leave off?" you asked.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

My eyes fluttered open to a room that wasn't mine and clothes I didn't recognize. I felt the sunlight pour out from between the curtains and onto the bed, where you lay sleeping next to me. The bed was comfortable and the blanket, soft and plush. Eventually, I found the strength to roll over and pull myself into you. 

"You're warm," you mumbled, pulling me closer. "You sleep good?"

"Like a baby."

We lay on the bed for a while, not saying anything but we didn't have to. I started drawing little circles and hearts on your chest while you watched the news. Although I could've stayed there for eternity, it didn't last long when the door opened.

"You read-" Aris stopped in his tracks. He started to turn around, but you waved him back in. "Max wants to get something to eat and then we're hitting the road. Ya'll in?" We both declined, wanting to absorb as much of this moment as we could. "Suit yourself. It was nice to see you, Adrienne."

Aris left the room, leaving us by ourselves once more. You started to get out of bed but I pulled you back. I wasn't ready to let go of you.

"I have to get ready," you pleaded. "We're almost done with the tour. Just two weeks and I'll be back in New Orleans."

"And we can start over?" You smiled and nodded.

"I think we already have, baby girl."

A/N: I can't believe this is over!!!! This has been my favorite thing to write in a long time and I'm so thankful for those that enjoyed it and supported it :)
New Scrim story being posted later today ;)