𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, charlie conway

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 | the first "i love you"

     FEMININITY IS A STRANGE animal. Softness is laid down upon you from the time you exit the womb; "be dainty," "be pretty," "be nice," are all things you're told. "How gentle," "how sweet," "how peaceful she looks sleeping there" is what they say about you. That's what they say until you wake up to blood on your pale pink sheets, your thighs, soaked through your shorts.

And that's why Crystal wakes up yelling for Chris in an otherwise perfect, peaceful morning.

Crystal knew what a period was and what it meant, but she hadn't had her first before surgery, so each time it came along it was a surprise. Because the last thing she remembered was going into surgery, her first thought was always that she was dying — bleeding out with no one there to stop it.

Upon hearing any vocalization from Crystal after her alarm, Chris was always the first to come running, let alone if she was calling for him. For all he knew, she could be screaming because someone had broken into her room. But when he rounded the corner and saw her sitting with the covers pulled back, disgusted with herself and sobbing, he nearly sighs in relief. At least he's done this one before.

"Crystal, Crystal..." He ambles over to her, holding her in his arms for a minute. "It's okay, you're okay."
He lets her cry there for a few moments, discreetly feeling her pulse at her neck in hopes that the fear would be settling away.

"Carrie, some assistance?" He calls.
This was the one special thing Carrie dealt with. Of course Donna had tried, but she either intimidated Crystal too much or wound up crying. Crystal always wanted to be like Carrie, which meant she'd listen and believe her when she said it would be alright.

Focusing back on Crystal, he brushes her hair back behind her ears as he hears the cries slow.

"Did something go wrong? Why am I bleeding? Did the surgery-"
"The surgery went great, Crystal. You're cancer free, but you have amnesia. You're fifteen."
Thankfully her daily panic attack doesn't get any worse, it only prolongs her existing upset.

"Am I dying?" She asks in a voice that makes Chris's heart just about break.
"No gemstone, you're not dying. You just got your period."
"...Oh." She replies rather small.
"It's gonna be just fine." He lifts her chin to look at him. "Let me get you to the bathroom, Carrie's gonna help you."
Crystal looked down at herself like she was unsure where to begin, so Chris just picked her up and brought her. He left her there with Carrie to deal with "the girl things," as he liked to call it, only returning to Crystal's room to get her bloodied sheet in the wash.

He realizes he should really try to wash some of it out first, so he brings it over to the kitchen sink, where Donna soon takes over. What she did to have such an amazing son, she wasn't sure, but she knew for certain that she needed him.

"Why did she have to yell for me?" He brushes his hair back in his hand. "When she yells for me, I have a heart attack."
"Me too. She goes to you for everything."
"I don't get why that is." He pours himself a glass of orange juice, another for Crystal because he knows she'll want to be just like him.
"I do." She gets the sheet in the wash, shutting the door of the closet. "You're her safe person, and despite the amnesia, something inside her knows that you always take care of her."
"And what if I can't?"
"You always know what to do, Chris. Trust yourself for me."

Crystal and Carrie soon emerged, joining the family at the table. Chris let Crystal leaf through her book, watching the clock to make sure him and Carrie were still on schedule to leave, and that he'd have time to help Crystal settle. By the time they finished breakfast, Crystal was leaning into his shoulder as if she wanted to be held, so he walked her over to the couch and let her snuggle to him for a while.