They decide that they should move in together toward the end of January in 2014. They're best friends and both want to live in London so it seems like the ideal situation. It's an easy decision and they both agree that it's one of the best ones they've made in a long time. Finding a flat, though, proves to be more difficult. They spend a couple days looking at different flats, staying in London hotels during the process and it wouldn't really make sense for the two of them not to just stay in the same room as it would just cost more money. They're close enough that intimacy doesn't bother them. They sleep in the same bed the first night they're in London and it's totally fine. So what if Joe wakes up to find himself partially cuddling Caspar. It didn't mean anything. The second night has similar results. The third, that's when something starts to change.
Joe's known he was bi since secondary school. He had no problem coming to terms with it, his friends and family all being extremely supportive of the whole 'coming out' process. He's had plenty of girl and boyfriends, but none of them were very serious and he's never really felt like he loved anyone romantically, even thought that maybe it wasn't even possible for him to do so. The third night, though, he wakes up with Caspar's arms around him and he feels something he can't say he ever had before: secure. It scares him a little, but he lets himself relax in Caspar's arms and falls back asleep.
When he wakes up again, it's to Caspar shaking him awake, reminding him that they're going to sign the lease for the place that afternoon. Joe doesn't know if he should talk about what he started to feel last night, scared that he might scare Caspar away, scared that it could blow up and he'd lose his best friend. He remains quiet. If Caspar felt something, he'd probably would say something. He remembers Caspar has a girlfriend and signs their new flat's lease thinking that he developed a very one-sided primary school-esque crush on Caspar.
Caspar and Joe settle into their new flat, quickly transforming it into a 'lad pad,' and Joe shoves down the first real feelings he's had for someone. Life goes on. Caspar and Joe get closer and closer than Joe could have ever envisioned. He didn't think that he'd have anyone that understood him and clicked with him as well as Lewis, Tom, and even Zoe had, but Caspar seems to fit the mold easily, attaching himself to Joe's side. They've only been living together for a short while when Joe hears him cry for the first time. He doesn't really know what to do; he's never been someone that's good with emotions, hasn't had the need to be, but he can't exactly leave Caspar crying in his room.
"Hey buddy?" he speaks cautiously, slowing knocking on Caspar's door, "Do you want me to come in?"
He takes Caspar's silence to be a yes and opens the door to find Caspar slumped over on his bed, "What happened?"
"Gabby dumped me." And Joe feels like an asshole when his first emotional reaction is a happy one, "She said that it's too hard to deal with all the baggage of dating a YouTuber. I mean, I can't say I didn't know that this was probably coming, but I didn't think it would hurt this much."
Joe really doesn't know what to do. He hasn't been in a relationship that left him anywhere near this distraught when it ended, "Caspar, I'm sure you know how much I suck at comforting people or even trying to give them any advice," that gets a little smile out of Caspar, "But if Gabby was willing to give you up because YouTube makes you travel or some disrespectful fans leave her hate comments, then she didn't value you enough. Personally, I think she's an idiot for not loving you that much."
Caspar doesn't seem to believe him, but he stopped crying, so that's a plus. Joe doesn't remember everything he says to Caspar, just that he starts with how if Caspar spends too much time crying over her, he's going to miss out on so much and ends with inviting Caspar upstairs for a much needed game of FIFA. Caspar falls asleep on Joe on the upstairs couch and Joe doesn't know if he can keep denying his feelings anymore. He resolves that some day, maybe a month for now, maybe a year, he's going to have to tell Caspar that he loves him if he ever wants to move on with his life.
That day comes when he takes Caspar to the Isle of Wight in early September. He spends a large part of the day watching Caspar's overreactions to every little thing in Blackgang Chine and he's pretty sure that Caspar makes it the more fun than he's had here even the times when he used to come as a child. They're at the end of the water slide when he blurts it out, "I think I love you."
Caspar looks at him with something akin to disbelief, "What?"
Joe thinks he should just back out now, claim that he said something else, because judging by Caspar's reactions, his feelings are not reciprocated, but maybe this is the only chance he has to say it, the only chance to get over Caspar if he needs to, so he clears his throat, voice louder than before, "I like you a lot."
"Ha ha, Joe, that's very funny."
"I'm not making a joke, Caspar!" Joe mentally tells himself to calm down, hoping to avoid the stares of strangers, "I wouldn't joke about that."
"I didn't know you were gay."
"Bi," Joe corrects, "Look, I get that it might be a bit weird. I guess, I just needed to say something so that I didn't keep the small hope that there was a chance and prevent myself from getting over it." He turns away, growing embarrassed.
"Who says I want you to get over it?" Caspar's voice is quieter than usual.
Joe turns back around to look at Caspar, face slightly red, "I didn't know you were gay."
"Bi," Caspar grins.
Joe stands, staring at Caspar, still unsure.
"Oh come on, Joseph. I think I've made it very obvious now that I happen to like you a lot too," Caspar rolls his eyes, pulling Joe into a kiss.
And Joe thinks that this might be the perfect place for this to happen. Blackgang Chine was one of the first things he remembers about his childhood. It was before his parent's divorce and he remembers thinking about how happy they looked at the time and how he hoped he could find that someday. When he came back with Zoe and Alfie (and his dad), the same thought came back, his eyes focusing on the two of them clinging to each other when the cameras were off. And this time, with Caspar, he thinks he's finally found it for himself. It's corny as fuck, but Joe can't bring himself to care.
