chapter 1

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Seoul, South Korea

2012

All of us sat down on foldable chairs in the dance studio, while the music label executives stood in front of us. Today was the day we would see which of us would become the members of a new group called BTS. We all trained for this moment, putting in countless hours and working so hard to improve our dancing and singing skills together. Now, it was coming to an end so soon. My heart was thundering in my chest What if I didn't make it into the group?

"Y/n, I know you're going to make it in!" Jungkook, my best trainee friend exclaimed. "You've been working harder than all of us!"

My heart rate sped up even more. I was never my usual self around Jungkook and was more awkward and self-conscious. Giving him a small smile, I said "Come on, you have a better chance at getting in! You're way better at singing and dancing than me even with all the practice I have."

A man at the front of the room cleared his throat. "We will now begin calling the names of each new member of the group. If you didn't get in, we thank the rest of you for your effort and hard work. If your name is called, please come to the front and stand here."

I envisioned all the effort, practice, and hard work I had put in. All those hours of dancing in front of the mirrors in the studio, scrutinizing every inch my body moved. Those hours of singing until my throat hurt, trying to match the other trainees. All the times when I would be in the studio past midnight, trying to improve. This was my dream, to be able to be in a successful group and share my talents with the whole world.

He began calling out names, and some of my fellow trainees came to the front. As more people were called, I started trembling. Would they let me and Jungkook join or no? The man called out a 6th name. Jungkook looked at me. "If we both don't get in, at least we had fun with training, right?" he asked. "Yeah" I responded.

The man was at the end of the list. "And the seventh, and final, member of BTS is ....... Jeon Jungkook! Please come to the front, and everyone else, congratulate your fellow trainees on their accomplishment!"

And that's when everything in my life changed. While my other trainees congratulated the new members of BTS, I could only stand there, shell-shocked. My entire body was frozen solid. Jungkook and I did everything together, helping each other so much. For him to get into the group without me was so shocking that my brain couldn't process the information. But gradually, some urge in my body to get out of there, to get as far away from the celebration as possible, took control. I slowly got up from my seat and headed to the door. After closing it, I took off at full speed down the stairs and out of the building, into the late afternoon streets of Seoul.

I ran past shops and stores, happy couples walking their baby in a stroller, old ladies shopping for fish at the market, high schoolers like me laughing and joking with each other. Why did everyone else get to be happy? I did not stop until I reached an empty playground, and proceeded to sit down on a park bench. The disbelief in my body was replaced with pure despair. What was wrong with me? After all that, why wasn't I good enough? How could I tell my family this? I could already sense the disappointment that everybody would feel in me as soon as I got home. Tears started streaming down my face, and I sobbed until my throat ached. I was a failure.

After a while, I rubbed my hands over my eyes to hide the evidence of my mental breakdown. Slowly opening my eyes, they widened as I saw a certain person walk towards me.

Jungkook sat down next to me on the park bench, clutching 2 McDonalds medium fry orders in his hands. "I bought one for you" he said softly. I held a french fry, slowly nibbling on it. My mouth didn't feel like chewing right now. My head hung low. I couldn't look Jungkook in the eyes without sobbing again. The random crack in the concrete below me seemed real interesting to me right now.

"I'm sorry you didn't get in" Jungkook apologized. "The management sucks. And you deserved to get in too. They should have cared about the amount of you work you put in compared to everyone else."

I nodded. "Don't be sad, Jungkook. You got in, and you definitely deserved it." I looked up at him to try to smile at him, but instead I started crying again. Looking away, I knew I was ruining his moment. He shouldn't feel sad because of me. This was supposed to be one of the best days of his life. "Sorry" I apologized. "I-I didn't want you to see me all depressed."

"It's alright" Jungkook said, putting a hand on my shoulder. A warm feeling spread throughout my body, in spite of my current misery.

I had to salvage this moment since I couldn't just leave Jungkook miserable right after his achievement. "Hey Jungkook, I'm glad you got in. You're going to do great things! You should be excited!" I faked a smile at him for good measure.

"Thanks! But y/n, I-"

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine" I lied. This was not fine.

"Okay. Just be proud of yourself, y/n. Don't beat yourself up too much."

"I'll try not to."

It's horrible how I lied to him, but I didn't know what else to do.

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