Not A Temporary Love | Finley & Harlyn #1

Chapter 19

"Why did you look scared? When I kissed you." I ask.

He frowns. "Did I?" I nod. "Is that why you left?" I nod again. His shoulders slump. "Finley..." He looks like he wants to come across the room, but he stays glued to the stove. "If I looked scared...it's because I was afraid I messed up. I'm still afraid I messed up. That I kissed you before explaining myself. That I pushed you away. You did leave, if you remember." His eyes are playful.

I'm too distracted to be playful back. "Yes, well, you did look terrified."

His smile falters. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was trying to figure out how and when. And nothing felt right. Or I was too scared." He shoots me a look. It's the look I saw in his eyes before I bolted - fear. "Scared that you wouldn't like me back. Scared that I'd mess up our friendship." He pauses. "But I don't want to be just friends. I have no idea what that looks like. I've never done this before. And if you don't feel the same, that's alright. I just..." He trails off, his eyes still trained on mine.

And then my brain slows down enough to let me truly look at Harlyn. He's still leaning back against the stove, hands braced on the edge like he's ready for the worst. His coat is unzipped, but he hasn't taken it off yet. The fear is still firmly stuck in his eyes. And I want nothing more than to take that fear away.

"Harlyn..." I whisper. I step closer, my heart thumping. There are still thoughts running through my head, trying to convince me that he's playing with me, lying. But I tell them to shut up and stop in front of him, my ankles bracketing his. "I left last night because I thought I screwed up. I thought I had been stupid and kissed you when you obviously didn't like guys."

He laughs. "I did bury the lead a bit, didn't I?"

"Yeah." I shrug. "I hoped, but I didn't let myself hope too much."

Harlyn blinks a few times. "You hoped?"

"Yeah," I whisper. "I hoped." I unclench my hands from my shirt and raise them to Harlyn's face. "I've liked you since we started texting about Queen Victoria. Longer, actually."

"Really?" he asks.

"Really." I brush my thumbs over his cheekbones. He's got a tiny bit of scruff on his jaw that I've never noticed before. "But I just kept telling Max 'He's the straightest boy around.'"

That gets a genuine laugh out of him, and I pull my hands back from his face. He doesn't let them get far, though, before grabbing them in his. They're cold and soft.

"Is this ok?" he breathes.

"Of course," I say.

I'm so distracted by the feel of his hands in mine that I almost miss him say, "I've never...done this before. With a boy. I'm going to be hopeless."

"It's just like with a girl." I pause. "Actually, I can't say that. I've never done this with a girl. So..."

He smiles briefly, but then it falls. "I'm sorry I don't have more of an idea of what this means. What I am. It's another reason I've been scared to tell you. I don't...want you to think I'm pulling your leg or...I don't know. I can't come out to you. I can't come out to anyone else. I don't know what I am so I can't -"

"Hey," I say, squeezing his hands. "You don't have to know. It's all new. As long as you're sure you like me -"

"I am," he interrupts. I can't help but grin, which makes him grin in return. "Like one hundred percent sure. I liked that kiss way too much to not have a hopeless crush on you."

"Really?" I tease. He goes a bit red around the ears.

"Yeah. I did." He pulls in a deep breath and raises his head. "Can I kiss you again?" My entire body melts. He's asking? To kiss me? Me? Harlyn Evans is asking to kiss me? Am I sure I'm not sleeping? He squeezes my hands. I'm not dreaming. I'm very much awake. And the boy I like is standing not six inches from me, staring at me bashfully.