asylum [rafe cameron]

nineteen

"So you've just been slumming it with Rafe Cameron." Pope exaggerates.

My mom looks at everyone confused. I just got out of rehab and they can't stop arguing.

"No that's not what I said-" I stutter.

"Yeah you have." JJ shrugs.

"I can't fucking believe you." Kiara says.

"After what he did to me? And to the pogues?" Pope says.

"Right here." Rafe says.

"Yeah, I can see dude." JJ replies.

"You're not listening to me!" I shout.

I was surprised Rafe didn't throw a punch at JJ's words. I turned to him, seeing him look at me instead.

"He helped me instead of kicking me out."

"Because you're a fucking addict!" John B says.

I scoff in his face. How could he? I see his face droop down, regretting what he said.

"So you're saying you guys don't do weed?" Rafe says.

"Cause I've seen it. Hell, I've seen Kiara do it." he laughs.

"That's not the same." Pope says.

My moms face looked at Kiara angrily about her doing weed.

"My bad." he says, raising his hands in the air.

"I haven't done it by the way." Kiara shrugs.

"Mmm." my mom's eyebrows raise.

"Wrap this thing up. We gotta leave." she says, looking at her watch.

"I'm not leaving." I say.

"Yeah, then go leave with Rafe." Pope scoffs.

"Can you shut up?" I say.

"So you're with him now, huh?" John B says.

"No, I'm not."

"Then what is this shit?" JJ says.

"I already told you." I say.

"When you kicked me out, I needed someone. And he was there for me." I mumble.

"So that makes it okay at what he's done?" Kiara says.

"No- no. I mean, he did apologise." I say.

"Not properly." John B says.

"I don't really give a shit about what you pogues have to say." Rafe shrugs.

"Yeah, well Gia's a fucking pogue too?" JJ scoffs.

"She's not like you guys." Rafe replies.

JJ laughs, taking off his hat.

"Us or him." JJ says.

"What?" I was confused.

"Us or him." he repeats.

"No- what?" I stutter.

"That's not fair." I say.

"Do you want us? Or do you want him?"

"Cos you can't have both." he argues.

"I can't." I murmur.

"Hm?" JJ raises his eyebrows.

"I don't want to pick." I look down.

"Us or him Gia." Pope says.

"Both." I mumble.

I look up to see JJ laughing, Kiara disappointed, Pope looking at Rafe as if he were about to murder him and John B shaking his head.

I didn't know what to say or do in this moment, Rafe was there for me the most this past month, and the pogues not there for me at all.

But the pogues were my best friends, they always would be in the end. I was stuck.

"Why are you making her pick?" Rafe says.

"Because you don't fucking deserve her!" JJ shouts.

"Oh yeah? And she deserves you?"

JJ looks down. He thinks he doesn't deserve anyone because he was scared to turn out like his dad, but he did. I hated to see him think this way about himself.

"Making her choose is pathetic." Rafe scoffs.

"Just shows how shit fucking friends you are." he continues.

"He's just saying this to get into your pants." JJ replies.

I could see Rafe's hand forming a fist, but was it true? He's just acting like he cares to 'get into my pants'. I kept telling myself it wasn't, but that is what he's known for.

"He cares about me more than you ever have." I defend myself.

I could tell as soon as I saw JJ's reaction, I was wrong. He's been there for me the most, just not this past month.

"Jay-" I sigh, regretting what I said.

"Who saved you in the third grade when your dad was going fucking insane?" JJ says.

"Who fought for you when the boys at the Kook Academy were laughing at you?" he continues.

"Or, where was he when you overdosed on pills for the first time?" JJ shouts.

"I appreciate all of that JJ." I say genuinely.

"But where are you now?" my eyes soften.