Pretty Strangers

009

yo.

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Wilbur's POV

God what the fuck was that.
i just kissed a man. who i met yesterday. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I LIKE MEN OR NOT.

the second it happened i booked it out the door, immediately out to my car. i'm now sitting in my front seat, hands on my face, trying not to panic. i'm absolutely terrified of (Y/N) walking outside to attempt to talk to me. i don't wanna talk. i just wanna drive, until i can't think.

so that's exactly what i plan to do.

putting my car in reverse, i borderline fly out of his yard. my driving playlist was still on from when i arrived. faint indie music kicking up as i try my hardest not to turn around and go back to him.

but i kissed him. i kissed a man, a stranger, id only known for maybe 48 hours. maybe less? i couldn't even keep track of the time id spent with him. it had felt like months but i know better.

i know better than to get attached so quickly, it always ends wrong. i probably already fucked it. hell i STILL don't know why i did it.

as i'm driving, i get to the fork in the road that would lead me to my house. i check the clock as i pull up to the stoplight. 11:46 pm it read. i left his house around 11. sat in the car for around 30 minutes. then left. traffic is loads worse from when i went over.

grabbing at an impulsive thought, i decide not to turn. i'm not going home to rot. i'm going out.
the first place in mind is the park.
"i met him there."

so no park.

i look up, light is now green. i think intently as i push the pedal down.

"i think i just want to go home."

so i'll just do a u-turn and head home. i don't have the energy to go out and try to be productive when my brain is racing, beating me up, telling me i ruined a possible friendship. maybe more...

" why do i keep thinking that? "

do i like men...?

stop thinking about stuff like that while driving. mind and eyes on the road. drive.

i'll worry about my sexuality when i'm not at risk of crashing my car. for the next 20 minutes i drive while blocking out my thoughts, turning up my music and only paying attention to that.

i finally arrive home after my 20 minutes of silence, and that silence has yet to break. i just take my shoes off and immediately plop onto my couch, clutching a throw pillow and pulling it to my face.

it's hard to think of anything else but him. i've tried so hard to distract myself but all i can think of his him. the way he laughs, how his hair perfectly sits atop his head, the way he holds himself when he walks. fuck... he's just... perfect.

i think i've finally come to the conclusion that i do like men. but i've only ever felt anything like this towards him and women. it's just, confusing. the streamer in me wants to be cliché and take those "am i gay?" quizzes. maybe get out some content, but the person in me wants to cry, and beat myself up.

i've heard nothing from (Y/N), which i expected. sure he was looking at me like the way my ex did when she wanted me to kiss her, but i don't know that look meant what i thought it did. maybe he didn't even like men.

i don't know how much time has passed since i got home, and i don't want to know. tears started to fall a while ago, the edge of the pillow i was clutching is soaked, and i don't know how to stop. all my thoughts are negative, except for the ones about just how beautiful that man is.

after maybe 10 minutes of crying, i feel the couch buzz under my leg.

notifications:
(Y/N)!!!
hey. let's talk.