How To Raise A Wizard By Wilby Soot

A Long Car Ride

(How would you raise a wizard?)

Nico followed the family into the car with his luggage in hand. Phil opened the door for him and tried to take his luggage.

"Rather you not, your hands have germs I'd rather make no contact with," Nico said, getting into the car. Nico placed his luggage between his knees and looked out the window. He felt someone sit next to him and stare at his face. 

"Hey! I'm Tubbo, this is Tommy! Do you like bees?" Tubbo asked, energy pouring from mouth onto his voice. 

"Bees are...decent," Nico said, still staring out the window. Tubbo squealed happily.

"I'm the great Tommy Innit! Big Man is also another name the ladies like to call me," Tommy said boastfully, even if his last sentence was the biggest lie to exist. 

"...Cool..." Nico said, not wanting to engage in a conversation with the duo. 

"Can you tell us a joke?" Tubbo asked with hopeful eyes. Nico nodded and thought through all his funny ones.

"Why was the orphan so successful?" Nico asked, a smirk dancing on his lips. 

"Why?" Wilbur asked in curiosity.

"Probably to raise money or something, had nothing good to do!" Tommy said thoughtfully. Phil nodded along with Tommy.

"It was either go big or go home, the orphan had only one choice," Nico said. Wilbur made a choking sound and started laughing. Techno chuckled darkly, a glint in his eye. 

"I don't get i-OH!" Tubbo said before he realized what the joke was. Tommy was staring at Nico in horror. Phil was chuckling in worry, not another one.

"Please! Tell another one," Wilbur said, wiping tears from his face. Nico nodded and continued.

"Why do orphans become criminals?" Nico asks. Wilbur shrugs and looks over to the others, who are all also wondering.

"To know what it feels like to be wanted," Nico said blatantly. The car filled up with laughter and joy.

{Hope none of the jokes offended you, they are just there for story, take none to heart!}

"I have one! Why did the crocodile cross the road?" Tommy asked, his voice booming in volume. Techno braced himself for something cringy.

"Cause the chicken was on the other side! Ha ha...ha..." Tommy shouted, laughing but stopping when he realized no one was laughing. 

{That was a joke my sister told me, it wasn't very funny}

"It was so funny that I forgot to laugh...hah..." Nico said in a bored tone. Wilbur held in a laugh, his new son was delightful, but also quite the mood. 

"Ahh! A Bee! Kill it!" Tommy screams, slapping it and killing it instantly.

"I wish I was a bee," Nico said, staring at the bee's corpse. Tubbo turned over to him in hope.

"Cause you can fly?" Tubbo asked innocently. 

"No, cause they are dying at an alarmingly fast rate," Nico said. The whole car went silent.