"I hate being around people. It's uncomfy" that's what i said to my mother the other day. She couldn't hold on and started scolding me quietly, in her eyes i could see the disappointement she had on me. I wouldn't blame her, she wanted a perfect girl. Too bad perfection doesn't exist.
She took the plats and left, i heard the giggling, the tea getting poured on the glasses, the jaws moving making a sound as if someone was walking under the rain. I sit in a corner and thought abt how much left i still have to live. Living ? Yeah, i hate it so much. Why should i live if i can't have my own freedom ? If i'm forced to speak and communicate with anyone. If i'm forced to smile infront of others, for the name of the family ? Why wouldn't they understand me a bit ? Understand how cold the floor is ?
I couldn't talk nor come near them. But i still hear the loud noises trought the living room. It's time to prepare for another dead day. I never felt anything during this long period. Just sitting there shutting my mouth and watching the scenes infront of my sight. My mom talks to the driver abt a polotique subject, while i watch and count when we'll have an accident. Hopeless ? Yes. I felt dead. And lifeless too. I couldn't support the zone where many laughing and loud talking were. I found it noisy. The only time i'd felt free is when i'm alone. I find peace and being free. But once a living being stand or look at me. I become nervous and just walk like a machine.
What could make me happy ? Good question. But never got an answer, i was still in shock. Shock ? Yeah the shock of loosing my happiness. "We don't releaze how special people are until we lose them" for me it was just a boring sentence. But when it came true. I felt like i was slaped hard that i lost interest and everything on my mind. Is there a chance to be normal again..? I wanna feel happiness again, even for only 1 minute. I can affort it.
Here i am stepping on a new area, a cold and dark tension was holding the school tight. I almost feel like it is a new prison. New night guards, new judges. While walking, my soul feel being watched. By arrogants eyes, cameras were everywhere. I stand infront of the first officer, her eyes didn't left mine since i stepped in. I could feel her scolding me, ready to shoot me with her gun. Until i saw my lawer standing next to her and smiling.
It hasn't gone 5 minutes until the officer start judging me infront of everyone. A quiet silence hit the air, and i feel watched by those alive cameras again. My lawer introduced her criminal to the officer. The silence hit again, feeling those cameras fixed on me again. I wanna run away..But where ? Stuck btw the stairs, btw the bodyguards around. Where to go..? No one is here to save me. This environment is killing my cells. My lips zipped against eachother, my hair stand up, my skeleton felt freezed, the only thing i could move were the lights under my forhead.
The security bring us to our prison cells, locked up inside. We turned and saw some marks from the past criminals. Some pictures of those who lost their life. A white long sand holding the walls. 10 minutes later, we hear the noises coming toward our prison cell. The security unlocked the door and let the Director coming inside. I wasn't scared from him. Not even a little bit. My fear dropped since i stepped inside. He came close and faced us all. The officer was making us speak. Making us spell the crimes we've never done but still accused. I found myself speecheless how my so called comarades were falling with blue eyes, being shot, being tortured. He came close to me and point his gun at my head. "Is it the end finally ? Would i be gone now and find peace ?" I woke up. Finding myself in the bathroom with my lights screaming. Some prisoners were passing by droping their pity on me. I was frustrated. How am i still alive ? Why ain't i in my grave ? My lawer came and saw me dropping my flashlights on the floor. She bring the Director with me. And start questioning me, i answered looking on the floor. She turned and saw him looking at me in shock. He apologized for shooting me. I nod and walked towards a door. Hearing brutal vocal cords, running to the door.....T.B.C
