The Very First Night (A Night With My Brother: Revised Edition)

Kabanata 5

KABANATA 5

KUYA Clarence and I were both silent the whole trip home. Bago niya paandarin ang sasakyan kanina, maraming beses niya muna akong tinanong kung ano ang problema. Each time he would ask me, I would just shake my head. Hindi ko rin siya kayang sagutin dahil hindi ako makapagsalita nang maayos. My mind was all over the place, my heart was swelling with too much emotions. I couldn't think straight anymore.

Ang oras na ginugol namin sa loob ng sasakyan ay ibinigay niya muna sa akin. Nang makuha niya na hindi ko pa masagot ang mga tanong niya kanina ay tumigil din siya. Naintindihan din siguro niya na kinailangan ko munang damdamin at pag-isipan ang lahat bago ito sabihin sa kaniya.

Nang makauwi kami sa bahay ay hinayaan niya pa rin ako. Nanlulumo akong tumungo sa kusina habang sa likod ko ay nakasunod naman siya. Dumiretso ako sa pridyider ay kumuha ng tubig. Inubos ko ang laman ng bote ng mineral water at umasang mahihimasmasan ako pagkatapos nito.

When I finally had the courage to glance at Kuya Clarence, I teared up once again. His face was full of concern. Mapungay ang mga mata niya at kitang kita ko ang pagpipigil niyang gawin ang anomang nais niyang gawin sa puntong iyon.

He slowly stepped forward. Tila nananantsa kung tama bang lapitan na ako.

My heart ached when I saw how he wanted to be careful and gentle to me despite the situation I was currently in. He must have had so much self-control. For some, they would panic. They would bombard you with questions until they got the answers from you. While, he decided to give me space and time. Nariyan lang siya sa malapit pero hindi siya namilit at nangealam dahil batid niyang hindi pa ako handa.

"Mama called," I finally said after being silent for a while. I figured out that it was wrong to shut him out even just for a short period of time.

In times like this, he should be my confidant. Dapat ay sabihin ko sa kaniya ang problema dahil kaming dalawa ang may kinalaman dito. We both lied to our mother. We both did something that could hurt our mother. Kaming dalawa ang nasa sitwasyong ito.

"Nakokonsensya ako, Kuya. I don't think I can lie to Mama," pag-amin ko sa totoong nasa isip at puso ko.

Hinagilap niya ang kamay ko at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit at naging sandalan ko ang dibdib niya. I cried and sobbed until his shirt was wet with my tears. Ang tanging naririnig sa paligid ang aking mga hikbi. Mararahan ang haplos ng palad niya sa aking likod na medyo nagpakalma sa akin.

I could hear his heartbeat. It was beating fast but I could not tell if it was in a good way. He was scared, too. I was sure we were feeling the same way. Ang magsinungaling kay Mama ay hindi namin kayang gawin at pareho kaming nasasaktan dahil doon. There was ache in our hearts and there was no way we could ease the pain. If we told the truth to our mother, all of us would be broken. Pati si Mama ay masasaktan kapag nalaman niya ang aming ginawa. She would be devastated, disappointed and angry. Siguradong paglalayuin kami ni Kuya at madudurog din ang aming mga puso.

"I don't want to lie to her. But I can't stop myself from loving you. Kapag sinabi natin sa kaniya, baka paglayuin tayong dalawa." Bumigay ang boses ko. Ang namumuong bara sa lalamunan ko ang nagpapahirap sa akin sa pagsasalita nang maayos.

"Why would you even consider to stop loving me?" he asked with disbelief. "We will tell her, Angel," Kuya Clarence said. He sounded determined to reveal what we did to our mother.

Inangat ko ang sarili at tiningnan siya sa mga mata.

His eyes were bloodshot but behind it was determination. As if he had already decided about this for a long time, he held my hand firmly and gave me the support that I needed. He looked straight into my eyes. "Sasabihin natin sa kaniya. When she comes back, I promise we will tell her."