The pain of ignoring you

Meeting Steven

(Warning! Slight blood/gore, hanahaki disease - if you don't know what that is, it's when you feel undying love for someone, but they don't reciprocate your feelings. It isn't real, and it's a little different in my story!)

Your POV

You walked all the way to the big donut, knowing Steven might go there. Of course, he was on a diet, but that didn't mean that he doesn't swing by from time to time. 'I wish I could be with him...' you think mindlessly, forgetting your connection with said boy. 'Maybe I can get a donut while I wait. I haven't been able to afford food for the past week and a half. My treat.'

He listens quietly, but you don't feel his presence. 'I'll have to go and find some wearable clothing. I don't want to stink. I'll have to wash my clothes by the river tomorrow.' you list the chores in your head as you dig through a chest of worn clothes.

You choose an outfit and start walking. 'Man, I wish I didn't live by the forge. It's such a long walk. Maybe I'll ask Lion to give me a ride next time??' you groan in your mind, Steven stays quiet, rushing to the big donut.

'Goodmorning beautiful <3'
You blush, and think, 'You don't even know what I look like.'
'Maybe if you met me? I know you said we couldn't- but maybe start slow?'
'I- I can't. I'm sorry.'
'It's okay. At least we have this connection. I'll wait for you to block me again. I don't know how to do it myself.'

He grew quiet. So, you naturally thought he was gone and thought: 'Dammit! Now I feel bad! Why did I even pair myself with him? The soulmate deciders don't get them unless they're desperate! This wasn't supposed to happen - but I- never mind I'm complaining, aren't I?'

A big smile, appeared, but it was replaced with a small smile on his face as he took in the facts. You liked him, but you couldn't be together because you were a soulmate decider!? You wanted him?! His heart swelled as someone that he didn't know entered the building.

You look for Saidie, who seemed in the back rooms at the moment. You waited at the front counter. "Hello!" a voice greets. You turn around to see a red string. "H-hi?" you greet, hoping that he didn't notice the string that was wrapped around his thumb.

You could see the pink that dusted his cheeks when he said, "You're my soulmate?" you were mentally beating yourself up. You slammed your head into the counter, and you grew dizzy. "Oh my stars! Are you okay??" he asks, kissing your forehead.

Your face burned crimson. "S-sorry a-about-" but he smiles and says, "Don't worry! How about you let me buy you something at least. On me?" you shake your head vigorously, saying, "I can't wase your money! Please, buy your own food!" then you mutter to yourself, "I don't deserve it... Or you..."

He pretended not to notice. He could tell right away from all the thought that had slipped by the block was a sign. You needed help- but you didn't want to ask. You didn't want to be a burden. Instead, you wanted to help people, not hurt them. He knew because he was the same way, of course, he wouldn't tell anybody, even if it meant his own death.

He put a hand on your shoulder, forcing you to look into his eyes. They were a shade of black-pink that you wish you could get lost in. But you didn't. Instead, you forced yourself to jerk away from his touch, and you laughed it off like it was nothing.

"How about I pay? For troubling you for the past few days." you say, and he sighs and speaks, "If you won't let me pay for you, then you're not paying for me. I'll pay for you, or you pay yourself. You're not putting me on your budget."

You nod and take out the exact amount for the cheapest donut there. Sadie comes in, and you quickly exchange the money. You don't spare another look at Steven as you walk away. But he does to you, taking in your looks. He catches sight of your ring and smiles. 'I hope we meet again.' you think, and he returns it. Then, you block him once more.

You coughed. Roses slid down your throat and onto the sidewalk along with a pint of blood. Ignoring your soulmate has consequences - you knew that. At least this wasn't a double-sided effect. You didn't want Steven to be harmed too.

You quickly stuffed the roses in your pocket. You didn't want others to see what happened if you neglected it for too long. Everyone in beach city loved their soulmates, so this was never a problem. If people saw this happening, people would panic, and look for their soulmates frantically, being forced to like them, even if they didn't want to. It would cause more hanahaki than usual, and people would catch on.

You didn't want to be responsible for any deaths. This was your idea - so if anything backfired, it was all on you. Not even Bismuth could take the blame. You managed to snag some plastic forks from the bakery. Man, you were hopeless. 

'I hope Bismuth can welt plastic.' you think, knowing that Steven couldn't hear you. You didn't want him to know that you were stealing things, or that Bismuth was involved in this mess anyway.

You called Lion over, and he emerged from the big donut. You giggled, knowing that he had probably been begging Steven for a Lion licker. He roared, and a pink portal opened. You thanked the mammal and walked through; you ended up in the treehouse.

You grabbed the chest of clothing and tossed it down the tree. You followed it, climbing down the worn rope ladder to the forest floor. You picked up the damaged box and brought it to a pond nearby, not having the strength to walk all the way to the lake 30 minutes away.

You washed your clothing, then had to turn away to cough out more roses. 'Steven is going to be the death of me.' you think, forgetting it's been an hour, you thought, 'I mean, literally. If I keep avoiding him, I'll die suffocating on flowers and my own blood. I still can't be with him though. What if he finds out? What if he hates me?'

He heard these thoughts but decided not to voice against them. You emptied your pockets of bloody flowers, voting to plant them and hope they grow into something gorgeous.

You hang your clothes on some trees, and you find a log to sit on. You lean against a tree, and soon, you're eating the mashed l/f (least favorite) donut that you had bought an hour or two prior. After that, you settle down for a nap, not wanting to leave your clothes behind. You didn't want someone to steal them!