Trust and Anxieties (A Soukoku Fanfic)

The Argument

He turns back around to stare down at the floor, his body for some reason thinking he could avoid the question by doing so. 

"Please? I need to know what's going on-" 

"It's none of your business," he says, harsher than he meant to, he quickly adds, "It's nothing really," his voice softer. But of course, Dazai wasn't buying it.

"It's not "nothing" Chuuya! Something's CLEARLY bothering you! Why can't you just tell me what it is??" Dazai's voice rising isn't helping at all! It's only making Chuuya feel much more anxious and angry that he's not letting it go! Dazai continues, not noticing he's aggravating Chuuya, "I'm your boyfriend, Chuuya! I'm worried about you... If the way you acted this morning is because of something I did-". 

That last sentence was all it took for the barrier keeping Chuuya's overwhelming emotions under control to break.  

"AND WHAT IF IT DID HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU?!" he shouts. Turning on his heels, he spins around to face the other, "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET IT GO??" 

Dazai's breaks too. 

"Well NOW, I can't just let it go, now CAN I?!" he yells back, "YOU just said, 'And what if it did have something to do with you?!', I would like to know, what exactly did I do?" This is not going the way Dazai had imagined it would. Although he should have expected his sudden confrontation to lead to an argument, knowing how stubborn Chuuya was, this is going beyond just petty arguing. 

Chuuya's so angry that at this point he just blurts out everything he's been trying to hold back from uttering since yesterday: 

Chuuya: "When I said that I was okay with you keeping your habit of flirting with women, well, I'VE CHANGED MY MIND! I saw you flirting with that redhead girl at that bar you always talk about!" 

Dazai: "You saw that??" 

Chuuya: "YES!"

Dazai: "Okay! If it bothers you so much, seeing me flirt with women, why did you agree to let me keep doing it in the first place??" 

Chuuya: "WELL I OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T KNOW AT THE TIME THAT IT WOULD BOTHER ME!"

Dazai: "WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME WHEN I CAME OUT TO MEET YOU!" 

Chuuya: "IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE! I didn't want to suddenly out of nowhere tell you that I changed my mind, I'd feel guilty if I did!" 

Dazai: "YOU'D FEEL GUILTY?? For fuck's sake, Chuuya, if you truly didn't like the idea of me flirting with women, YOU. SHOULD. HAVE. TOLD. ME! WHAT, DID YOU THINK I WOULD GET MAD AT YOU OR SOMETHING?!"  

Chuuya: "WHAT DO YOU THINK??" 

Back and forth, back and forth, aggressive hand motions and pulling their own hair, until...

Dazai: "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK, CHUUYA! YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ANYTHING BESIDES WHAT YOU'VE TOLD ME JUST NOW! I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WENT TO SEE YOSANO AT THE AGENCY OR WHY-"

What...? 

Chuuya: "How do you know I specifically talked to Yosano...?" 

Oh... 

Dazai: "...Because she told me...?"

Chuuya: "Did she... Did she mention anything about our conversation...?

Dazai: "No, she didn't, why?"

Chuuya: ...

Dazai: Chuuya?

Chuuya: HUH?? OH...! It's... no reason!!

Again with the-?!

Dazai: "For the love of-! ENOUGH WITH THE EXCUSES, CHUUYA! I'M LOSING MY PATIENCE HERE-!"

Throughout their entire argument, Chuuya hung onto his secret like it was his lifeline. Desperately, trying his best not to let it slip, watching his words. But at this exact moment,

Chuuya: "I'm afraid..." 

Dazai: "AFRAID OF WHAT??" 

it seemed his mind could no longer hide the truth.

Chuuya: "I'M AFRAID OF YOU LEAVING ME AGAIN!"  

Dazai:"?...What...?" 

Chuuya: "I SAID I'M AFRAID OF YOU LEAVING ME AGAIN!"

Dazai: "WHY WOULD I-??"

Chuuya: "YOU LEFT ME BEFORE, DAZAI! LEFT ME WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A WORD!"

Dazai: "I TOLD YOU I-"

Chuuya: "I know... you promised you'd never leave me again, but... remember that YOU made a similar promise that YOU DIDN'T KEEP! Because of THAT... how do I know I can trust you...?

Now that the truth was out, it seemed the screaming and aggressive pointing back and forth was finally over. At least, until Dazai spoke up after a few minutes of tension-filled silence,

Dazai: So this is all because of me, is that it?" 

Chuuya: "Huh...?" 

No...

Dazai: "You could have told me all that from the beginning!"

This isn't what he expected...

Dazai: "But you didn't... because you distrust me, right?"  

Chuuya: "Wait what?? No wait, that's not-!"

Dazai raises his hand up, signaling him to stop. With a brief close of his eyes and a small inhale, he suddenly turns around towards... the door?? He isn't seriously thinking about leaving! Is he...?

Chuuya: "Wait! Where are you going??" 

The door is halfway open. He's really-!

Dazai: "I'm going out for a bit of fresh air... I think it's best we leave the subject before we start arguing again. And to be completely honest, I just don't think I can... stand to be face to face with you, right now". 

Chuuya is speechless. This isn't at all what he had wanted to happen! His brain plummets into chaos! Sending signals throughout his body to do something! 

WAIT! DAZAI! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE! C'MON! SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING! PLEASE!

His mouth is clamped shut, his body standing there frozen. 

All that was heard was the sound of his dejected lover walking out the door before lightly shutting it. 

I am currently working on the next chapter while also editing my previous chapters for any grammar mistakes, word or sentence changes, etc. I appreciate you all for your patience, love, and support for this story, and hope you'll continue supporting and waiting for the end of this story! Thank you all so much! 🥰