UP IN THE CLOUDS

Bury a frined

"I promised I wasn't going anywhere in this very same room, now I never said how or in what situation me and you'd be in but I plan on keeping that promise and I'll stand with you the whole time." Olivia looked at him with tears in her eyes and she took his hand into her's and got up and fixed herself and Bradley extended his arm for her to wrap her's around his and they proceeded to go downstairs where the rest of the family were waiting for them. Her grandmother had the saddest look of all of them, she lost her love and best friend everyone's grief was different but her's was different to them all. Peter gave his best smile to her but Olivia knew deep down he was crumbling because he was the father he needed and now he was gone. The drive to the cemetery was quiet, nobody dared to speak but the little ones talked amongst themselves because they knew he was gone but they didn't fully understand like Noah did and he too had a blank expression and Olivia knew he was much like his father who struggled to express what they felt and wouldn't ever speak about it. When they arrived it all sinked in for her, the knot that was in her stomach tightened and every step she took towards the casket that was going to be carried by other pilots made her want to run out of there and collapse from all the anxiety that was building within her. Her grandmother stood first behind the casket with Pete, then it was Olivia's Aunt's and Uncles behind followed by Peter and Olivia and the rest of the grandkids and great-grandchildren, the closer they got to the guest's the more she felt the pain in her chest as her hands began to sweat and of course Peter saw this and he grabbed her hand and lead her to where the rest of the pilots stood taking her to her squad and they all gave a sympathetic smile until she was met by Jake who stood there and stared at her trying to read her eyes as if they could possibly tell him how she was feeling because he hadn't been able to do so and it killed him to be so out of the know but Olivia quickly diverted her eyes elsewhere before letting go of Peter's hand to stand in between Bradley and Natasha and he kissed her forehead before walking to the other end to stand with his grandmother and kids. The preacher began the service and for the whole time he spoke Olivia zoned out and didn't even realize when he was calling her name for the eulogy until Bradley nudged her and she snapped out of it and looked at him and he mouthed "your turn" and Olivia slowly nodded and walked up to where the preacher stood and with shaky hands and breath she opened what she had written for the eulogy.

"When I was asked to write something for this very day I immediately thought was does one write for a moment like this when all I want to do is scream out to the universe and continue to question; Why him?" Everyone listened carefully especially her family and friends since none of them knew what she had written and Jake looked at her directly in the eyes when she looked up as she struggled to continue on but something about the way he looked at her made her be at peace almost as if he brought her peace and she was able to look back down to what she had written. "To many he was Admiral Kazansky, a friend, a brother, a husband, a father and grandfather but to me he was everything, to me he was the air that I would breath whenever it would get sucked out of me, the arms that consoled me whenever my heart was heavy. There were countless times were he saved me literally and figuratively, he took me and my brother far away from a toxic environment and brought us to a loving and caring one, he taught me everything there is to know about aviation the reason I fly is not just because I love it but also because of him. He had made me a promise nearly a month ago and that was that we'd fly together because I was having a bad day....we never did get to do that and to be honest I knew it was no longer possible but God how much I wanted it to happen and how much I still do to this day, I found the notepad he had written it on and in my grieving I tore it apart because the anger I have within me took over. My grandfather didn't solely play the role of a grandfather but also that of a father, a role he wasn't supposed to take on but he did with no hesitation and I will never know anyone who could've loved me more than him. All I ask from him is that he waits for me so we can fly together in the sky's again but until then we all bury a friend." Olivia let out a huge breath she had held in since she began her speech and when she walked down Pete walked up and when they passed each other he saw how broken she looked even if she was hiding it, it was all in the eyes. Olivia only gave him a half smile, she wasn't going to fight right now with him despite him hiding his condition from her. When she walked back she once again made eye contact with Jake and oh how she wished to stand next to him and for him to comfort her like he always does but in the position the two were in denied her of it, she was grieving for so many reason and everything within her was ready to cave in, she stood and watched as Pete slammed his wings into her grandfathers casket and saluted him like the rest did and the guns were fired and the planes flew over them all in memory of him. The flag was slowly folded and handed to her grandmother with so much care as the casket was slowly lowered into the ground where her grandfather would be laid to rest and the entire time Olivia stood there motionless and her peers worried for her especially Jake. After the ceremony many of the guests walked up to the family and expressed their condolences it was one after another and Olivia had grown sick of hearing the same words over and over again that she stormed off to a tree far away from where her grandfather was buried and she leaned on the tree to support her legs that wanted to give out so badly as her tears fell down her face and she let harsh breaths out trying to make the odd pit in her chest go away but she knew all too well what was going to happen. Olivia was going to have yet another panic attack. Whenever she got one her whole body would collapse and there were times where she'd lay on the ground gasping for air because her mind was to busy with all the thoughts flooding her head that she'd forget to breath. Jake took notice of this and immediately made his way over to her forgetting the state the two were in. When he reached her she looked at him and held out a hand indicating for him to go away.