Thinking About You

Chapter 15

I look at him hoping he can read my mind, so I don't have to say it out loud.

He stares at me for a moment before nodding with a sigh.

"It's amazing though N, come on." Elijah says.

"I know, I love it too Eli." I agree.

"Then why won't you send it in?" He asks me.

"Because I just can't." I say turning to the sheet music sat on my keyboard to pretend to write something down so I can avoid more of this conversation.

"But you said you love it too-"

"Yes, but this has nothing to do with how much I love the song. It's the lyrics, they're... Too real." I say honestly.

He doesn't say anything, so I turn to look at him. He looks very understanding, but he wants me to explain more.

When I don't, he just nods.

"You can't let him define everything you do Naomi. What are you scared of?"

"I just don't want him to hear it and know that it's about him, alright?" I say frustrated as I drink the rest of my wine.

"Why? You don't want him to know that you care? That you're still hurting? N, it'll help you move on if you admit it to him and yourself. Haven't you ever heard the saying ' the truth will set you free '?"

I don't say anything.

"Naomi... Do you really think he doesn't already know that you've written about him? This time it'll just be a little more... specific. I really think this would be good for you, you deserve to move on."

I think about his words, and I know he's right. It's not often that he's wrong.

It makes me realize that every song that I've written about the breakup so far has been censored almost. Or at least what I thought was censored. Elijah's making me realize I wasn't as subtle as I thought. 

I  guess I just didn't want to make it too obvious that it was about him, so when writing I would try to not paint a clear image. But that's just stupid, and it means that those past songs aren't totally truthful to my feelings and experiences.

I just need to grow up, admit that I hurt, and move on.

"Okay," I agree but my voice sounds all wrong so I clear my throat and continue, "You're right Eli."

This is right. I'm finally doing the right thing. I'm starting the process of moving on, and I have someone amazing to help me.

"I'm glad you think so, come here." He says as he walks a few steps to wrap me in a hug. "You're gonna be okay, I promise N."

Something about his words didn't settle well with me.

He then gives me a kiss on my temple and takes a seat next to me on the bench in front of the keyboard.

Which doesn't feel like it should either.

He starts playing a few chords, and I try to hide how off I'm feeling suddenly.

"So, remember that beginning part?" He asks rhetorically before he sings it. "We were in the backseat drunk on something stronger than the drinks at the bar." He sings then looks over at me and I nod for him to continue somewhat distractedly.

"Okay, so what if the next part went like this?" He asks then continues singing. "I rent a place on Cornelia Street I say casually in the car."

"I feel like it's another good way to incorporate Cornelia Street into the song, especially if you end up wanting to name it that."